


Seeking the Better Me

by Kizmet



Series: Wounds:  Visible and In- [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dan Espinoza Finds Out, Dan is confused by Charlotte & the Goddess, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Post-Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22850113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kizmet/pseuds/Kizmet
Summary: Dan had made a stand, he done with being ruled by anger and regret.  He got help, got his life back together but Lucifer was the focal point of his anger and he was gone before Dan could do anything about it.It's two years later and Lucifer's back.
Relationships: Dan Espinoza/Original Charlotte Richards
Series: Wounds:  Visible and In- [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642639
Comments: 94
Kudos: 276





	1. The Past Holds Me

**Author's Note:**

> And now some new material.

Dan crouched in the damp grass to carefully place a silver charm on the small ledge at the base of Charlotte’s headstone. Before standing he took a moment to rest his fingers on her name carved into the white marble. In a few decades the edges of the engraved letters would be rounded by time and wear but for now they were still as sharp as the pain in his heart. “It’s been three years,” he said. “I’m getting better, being better. I know that’s what you would want but it doesn’t hurt less. I still miss you.”

He took a deep breath, hesitating.

“There was a case the other day,” Dan said finally. “Guy was barely married a week but we still checked out the wife, nine times out of ten you know. I try not to just settle for the easy answer, for you, for Chloe. These days I really try to make sure I get the _right_ answer not just the obvious one but stats don’t come out of nowhere, a lot of time they’re one and the same. Not this time. She was so fucking crushed, her whole world just gone. I heard one of the Uni’s say something about ‘honeymoon phase’, how it wouldn’t have lasted. I nearly socked him.

“You and I, we didn’t even get that far. The weirdness before, you know- Well, I guess you don’t, since that’s the shit you forgot- We’d barely found each other and I know it’s sounds sappy and stupid but it doesn’t matter: You were the one. I didn’t need more time to know that and that, sure as hell, wasn’t going to change in a year or ten years or a lifetime- Fuck, I wish we’d had a life time to figure out all of each other’s annoying little habits. I- Chloe _forgave_ me after Palmetto but you _understood_ me. And yeah, I know it wasn’t you I fucked over with that shit show but still- I could lean on you and feel you leaning back, more stable together, you know.- I am better now. I’m back on the rails, even with missing you. I promise you, I won’t let it get away from me like I did. That’s not who I want to be, not who you’d want me to be.” Dan took a deep breath, “So, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t punch that asshole just made damn sure he didn’t run his mouth in front of the wife. Bad enough that we’d treated her as a suspect, had to treat her as a suspect. My shitty luck, I guess, catching a case like that this time of year. I wanted to stop by, let you know I handled it, handled it right, the way you’d have wanted me to.”

Dan stood up and turned to go, then stopped and turned back. “The vic; tall slim guy, dark curly hair, exit wound took most of his face- Until we got the fingerprints back, I really thought- Well, I wasn’t looking forward to talking to Chloe for a while there. Just a false alarm. Most likely, your step-son’s ran off to Vegas again, or- hell- Monte Carlo.” He shook his head, “Don’t think I’ll ever get over being weirded out by the thought of you and Lucifer’s dad.

“Look at his track record, there’s no reason to think this is anything but him being an irresponsible ass again,” Dan continued, knowing he was trying to convince himself. “Chloe’s always been biased when it comes to him. After the last… dozen times he’s flaked on her she _should_ be ready to tear him a new one instead of mouthing that ‘family emergency’ B.S…” He sighed, “But somehow a part of my conscience has borrowed the asshole’s voice. You’re always going to be the angel on my shoulder, urging me to do better. But he’s the one telling me in no uncertain terms when I’m being a douche.” Dan laughed softly, “Not exactly the traditional Devil-on-the-Shoulder. Which might just spare me a rant if he ever hears about it, if he’s alive to hear about it.”

Dan gave himself a shake. “Speaking of your stepsons, Amenadiel called about going out for drinks. What do you wanna bet he’s freaking out about fatherhood again?” There was no answer but a beam of sunlight caught the charm, the gleam reflecting back in Dan’s eyes and he smiled, “Yeah, I know, you don’t take sucker bets.”

* * *

It wasn’t Lux but the staff at the bar was still having way too much fun dressing up Amenadiel’s cosmos to look as girly as possible. Dan kept a straight face, tipped a little extra and stuck to beer.

“Charlie screamed and kicked for seventeen minutes today when I turned off his video,” Amenadiel reported with serious concern.

“Gotta watch the screen time, especially with kids that young but it’s hard,” Dan empathized. He grinned a little, “Nothing our parents had to worry about, right?”

A strange, ironic, smile briefly lit Amenadiel’s face. “I’m certain that is true,” he said. “And I don’t question the studies Linda has read about appropriate activities and limits for a two year old. However, Charlie-” Amenadiel sighed. “Linda says I must not give in to his- his tantrums?”

“Welcome to the terrible twos,” Dan said sympathetically. “That’s where Trixie’s chocolate cake obsession started, I couldn’t get the damned groceries without her throwing a tantrum. To this day, I don’t know how Chloe got through the checkout line without caving and buying her the damned cake, I never did and Trix is still weaseling it out of me today. Stay strong man.”

“I don’t want Charlie to hate me,” Amenadiel said mournfully.

Dan shook his head, “He’s not going to hate you for setting limits, it’s what parents do. I told you about me caving on the cake, couldn’t handle the public humiliation of not being able to get my kid to stop screaming in the middle of the grocery store. But there was other stuff too. As a toddler Trixie had no fear, there she was barely steady on her feet and she wanted to climb the ladder to the big kid slide, that one I stayed firm on. She wasn’t old enough to know how bad she could’ve gotten hurt falling but I looked up at that thing and…” Dan shook his head. “She screamed like a little banshee every time we went to the park and I wouldn’t let her go up that ladder. But I never gave in and we made it through without any broken bones and she doesn’t hate me- Or her mom, Chloe’s the real disciplinarian between the two of us.”

Amenadiel nodded but didn’t look convinced. “Linda has instructed taking away toys that he throws and two minute time outs. I wish to support her in raising Charlie to be a well behaved young man but- I didn’t expect this, this defiance.”

Dan snickered. “You never told your parents ‘no’?” he asked sarcastically.

Amenadiel drew himself up proudly, “Never. Well, not until Mother sought to return to the Silver City to start a war with Father. I ultimately decided my loyalty lay with Father despite having to deny Mother to her face. And feeling hurt by something I had believed Father had done.”

“I’m sure you were a perfect angel,” Dan said, his lips twitching, well practiced in ignoring strange metaphors from Lucifer’s family. “But you can’t tell me your brother wasn’t a little shit as a kid.”

Amenadiel’s expression crumpled.

_‘Good job Douche, keep trying and you might even make him cry.’_

“Sorry, I’m an ass,” Dan said quickly.

“Luci does hate our Father,” Amenadiel said grimly. “He will _never_ forgive Father for denying him. Linda says I have to establish limits for Charlie but Dan, I don’t want my son to hate me.”

_‘Did Lucifer hate your dad for denying him or for throwing him out?’_ Dan thought to himself but decided he’d already prodded more than enough at Amenadiel’s family dysfunctionality. “Just... Trust Linda, I mean she’s got a degree in understanding people and believe me she’s good at her job. You know she’s not going to tell you to do anything Charlie won’t come to understand was because you love him and want what’s best for him.”

“Thank you Daniel,” Amenadiel said. “I am also sorry. I imagine I’m not a- a fun drinking companion.”

Dan smiled a little. “It’s fine,” he said. “Give me another couple years and you can take your turn listening to me when I freak out over my little girl getting old enough to date.”

Amenadiel tilted his head to the side, clearly mystified even if that was the easiest thing in the world to grasp. Dan prepared himself to explain the horrors of having a teenage daughter when you _knew_ , from first hand experience, what teenage boys were like. _‘Or maybe Amenadiel wasn’t like that. Hell,_ Lucifer _wasn’t like that. We interviewed enough of his lovers to know that having sex is a favor he’s happy to pass out but not one he ever asks for- Probably only because it’s not physically possible for him to have_ more _sex.’_ Only Amenadiel didn’t ask about Dan’s worries over Trixie dating.

He jumped halfway out of his chair then stopped and fumbled for his cell phone. He held it awkwardly between both hands, almost as if he were praying. “Azrael, we’re coming,” he said.

When he looked back at Dan, his eyes were wild, “Daniel, you must excuse me,” he said dropping his cell phone and he hurried away.

“Hey wait!” Dan called as he bent down to retrieve the phone. “Linda?” he suggested holding it out.

“Yes, you’re right.” Amenadiel said distractedly. He didn’t take the phone. “Please tell her it’s a family emergency. I’ll be back as soon as I’m able.”

Dan sucked in a quick breath, “Is it Lucifer?” he asked. Amenadiel didn’t stop to answer and the question hung, unanswered, in the air long after he’d gone.

Alone in the bar Dan finished his beer and thought about calling Chloe, _‘It’s not like I know anything,’_ he told Lucifer’s shadow, lurking in the back of his mind. He paid their tab, went home and resolutely tried to ignore the feeling of disaster hanging over them.

* * *

Three days after Dan’s abbreviated bar night with Amenadiel, the Desk Sergeant stopped him as he walked into the precinct, “There’s a guy asking after you specifically,” she said with a nod to one of the interview rooms. “Said his name was Kasper Rajput?”

Dan shook his head, “No one I’m expecting.” He detoured past his desk, dropped off his jacket and picked up a fresh notebook.

In the interview room a handsome, older Indian man was waiting patiently, an untouched cup of coffee and a slim folder sitting in front of him. He glanced up at Dan’s entrance, “Detective Espinoza,” he said with a small nod of greeting.

“You wanted to see me?” Dan asked.

“Mmm,” Rajput removed a page from the file and slid it over to Dan. “You are looking for this man?” he said, a faint British accent coloring his words. The picture printed on the top of the page was an oddly grainy black and white. _‘My cell takes better pictures, much better,’_ Dan thought. The self-proclaimed Devil’s face was lit up with a child-like, uninhibited grin that was at odds with his formal pose, sitting stiffly in a straight backed chair with hands folded in his lap and staring directly at the camera. _‘Some sort of historical mock-up?’_ Dan wondered as he noted the old fashion suit in conjunction with the traditional pose.

“What do you know about him?” Dan demanded.

“Perhaps it would be better if you told me what _you_ know and I will fill in the blanks,” Rajput suggested.

Dan frowned, “Sounds like you’re fishing for information.”

“I only wish to pool resources,” Rajput replied with a calm smile that rang alarm bells for Dan.

“What’s your interest in Lucifer Morningstar?”

“Is he still calling himself that?” Rajput replied, shaking his head slightly.

Dan couldn’t help but snort in agreement, “Like anyone would really name their kid after the Devil. But yeah, last time I saw him he was still insisting it was ‘God given’.

“Look,” Dan said. “If you’ve got information on Lucifer’s current whereabouts I’d appreciate it but I’m not going to just hand out information about him to anyone who shows up.” Then he explained, “We had a crazy priest get obsessed with him a few years ago. There were bodies on the ground before it was over.”

“I do appreciate the need for discretion,” Rajput said. He handed Dan a business card.

“You’re a private investigator,” Dan replied, unimpressed. “Still doesn’t tell me why you’re investigating him.”

Rajput smiled. “And _you_ have not told _me_ your reasons for looking into him. I would like to remain in touch, just in case you change your mind.” He got up to leave.

“Wait,” Dan called.

Rajput paused, one hand on the door.

“Do you know if he’s alive?” Dan asked.

“If he is not then I fear all of our questions will be irrelevant,” Rajput said solemnly. “I dislike mysteries that are solved too late. Best of fortune in your quest for knowledge, Daniel Espinoza.”


	2. The Return

Another week passed quietly. _‘I should check in with Linda,’_ Dan thought. _‘See if Amenadiel’s back… Or if she wants to file a missing persons. They’ll take it a little more seriously if I go in with her. She’s probably worried sick after Lucifer never came back from the last ‘family emergency’.’_

Dan heard a gasp then looked up and saw Lucifer Morningstar stroll into the precinct as if he hadn’t disappeared without a trace years earlier. “Think of the Devil,” Dan said disbelievingly.

“Douche,” Lucifer greeted Dan with a friendly smirk but his gaze only paused for a moment before he went back to scanning the room. Lucifer frowned at Chloe’s empty desk and Dan felt a rush of anger as he thought about the devastation Lucifer had left in the wake of his disappearance… Then Dan remembered his regrets and bit back the words: _‘Are you back or just back long enough to break her heart again?’_ While he mentally counted to ten, Dan took a second, longer look at Lucifer, _‘His suit’s loose, he’s lost more than a little weight. Too quickly to get the suit refitted? Because Lucifer definitely would, that or he’d just get a new suit. And what’s with the jacket over the shoulder? Calculated casual isn’t exactly his thing. ...His parlor’s off. Has he been sick? Did Chloe know? Is that why she’s been so defensive of him even when he ditched her? Apparently ditched her.’_

“You look like you’ve been through hell man,” Dan found himself saying.

Lucifer smiled brittlely, “On the nose Daniel. One might think you were a detective.” He twisted around to check if any of the interrogation rooms were busy.

“Chloe caught a case earlier this morning,” Dan said.

“To be expected I suppose,” Lucifer sighed. “Would you have an address? I’m not certain how long I’ll be allowed to stay and she’d kill me if I returned to the Mortal Plane and failed to see her.”

“L.A., you’re back in L.A.,” Dan corrected rolling his eyes.

“Lucifer!” Ella exclaimed. She immediately wrapped the former consultant in an enthusiastic hug.

Lucifer flinched violently and the jacket fell off his shoulder, revealing an empty, neatly pinned sleeve.

“Lucifer, my God, what happened?” Dan asked in shock.

“For once I’m all but certain Dad had nothing to do with it,” Lucifer said as Ella hustled both of them into her lab.

“I’m calling Chloe,” the forensic scientist declared. She glanced at Lucifer, sympathy and worry pouring off of her. “You probably don’t want to put yourself through explaining twice.”

Lucifer shrugged elegantly as he resettled his jacket to camouflage his missing limb. “What is there to say? I was careless. As a result I’ve been granted a furlough from Hell in which to regroup and recover, my first officially sanctioned vacation one might say… Not that anyone bothered to ask where I wanted to take it.”

“Are you okay?” Ella asked, gently.

Dan winced at the question but Lucifer only grinned, “If I’d known this was what it took to get a little time off I would have done it myself eons ago… Not that Amenadiel gave up on sending me back to Hell after I had Maze cut off both my wings and then burned them. This time my sibling dragged me bodily back to the Silver City.” He shook his head as if baffled.

Dan tried and failed to wrap his head around Lucifer equating the cosplay wings that had been stolen from him years ago with the loss of a very real arm.

Lucifer glanced around warily, “Actually if you see one of my siblings loitering about, I’d appreciate a warning. I’d prefer to avoid another Devil-napping.”

“Snuck out of the hospital?” Dan asked and earned a confirming grin.

“Your family’s probably worried sick,” Ella scolded.

“Hypocrites the lot of them, pretending they care,” Lucifer muttered darkly.

“Lucifer?” The three of them turn to see Chloe enter, Amenadiel a step behind her.

“Detective,” Lucifer breathed. Dan watched Chloe fit herself carefully against Lucifer’s side and assumed that Amenadiel had updated her about his injury. Then, with a pout, Lucifer added, “You spoiled my entrance. You were supposed to be here.”

“What can I say, I was assigned a case,” Chloe replied patting Lucifer’s chest.

Lucifer leaned toward her, brushing his cheek across the top of her head. “Were you now? Well, I suppose we’d best be about it then.”

“Luci!” Amenadiel scolded. “You’ve barely quite bleeding. Even if you won’t stay with Raffie you have to take it easy!”

“Stop being ridiculous, this was cauterized ages ago,” Lucifer said with a roll of his eyes and a nod towards his missing arm. “Would have been disastrous for them had I actually died and, unfortunately, they knew it. Be sure to let Rafael know that Bedial’s efforts on my behalf were more effective than hers... Of course he was more motivated.”

“We’re trying to help you Luci,” Amenadiel protested. For his trouble he earned a sneer from his younger brother.

“I was just heading out to reinterview the mother in a missing persons case,” Chloe interjected. “It shouldn’t be dangerous.”

“Why isn’t Missing Persons doing their own work?” Lucifer asked, his attention refocusing on her.

“Two kids and the father have been missing for a couple months,” Chloe said. “The general assumption was parental kidnapping but there was a feeling that the mother only reported it because the school was asking questions. If she knows where her husband and kids are but covered it up… Well, the implications aren’t good.” She turned back to Amenadiel. “If anything more exciting than talking comes up, Lucifer can wait in the car.”

“I could wait,” Lucifer confirmed eyes alight with mischief.

“AKA he won’t wait,” Dan whispered to Ella. “Not lying and honest aren’t even in the same zip code when it comes to that guy.”

From the look Amenadiel turned on Chloe he wasn’t fooled by his younger brother either and he expected Chloe to help him wrangle a real promise from Lucifer but Chloe just smiled up at Lucifer. After a moment Amendiel sighed and confronted his brother himself. “Lucifer, have you forgotten her effect on you? Given what they attempted, and your current condition, you can’t take any risks!”

“Bravo Brother, you’ve almost managed to sound like you _care_.” Lucifer raised his hand as if preparing to applaud only to realize that he couldn’t complete the gesture. For a moment they all froze. “Almost,” Lucifer repeated dropping his hand. “But no prize.”

“Luci, we do care!” Amenadiel protested determinedly.

“Oh, of course you do,” Lucifer replied with a bright, plastic grin that immediately morphed into a snarl. “I suppose it has occurred to you lot that, if I am DEAD, then one of YOU will, by necessity, have the singular honor of assuming my place in Father’s grand design and ruling Hell. Oh the horror of it! One of Father’s loyal, righteous children forced into the position I never wanted! Whatever would you do were I dead and no longer available to do Father’s dirty work? Quarrel among yourself as who is _deserving_ of such an honor? _Question_ Father if he selects you? What would you do were the role of universal scapegoat left vacant? So of course you care, Brother! Of course you do.” Fury faded into raw hurt as Lucifer finished.

Amenadiel’s expression crumpled into misery. “If you die now-“ he broke off, unable to continue.

“Amenadiel, why don’t you tag along,” Chloe suggested carefully. “If anything more than talking occurs you’ll be there to intervene.”

Lucifer gave a put upon sigh. “If the Detective wishes it then I must give you leave to hover. You or Azrael. If any of the others attempt to get close to me, I swear, there will be bloodshed.” With that Lucifer swept out, Chloe at his side, Amenadiel trailing after him.

Dan and Ella stood in the door to the lab and watched them go. “Man, he is dedicated to his method acting,” Ella said.

Dan shook his head. “I don’t know where ‘Hell’ translates to in the real world,” he said. “But this isn’t the first time Lucifer’s come from there with actual injuries. He’s got scars on his back, Ella. Huge, symmetrical scars. And everything I dug up about him says he came to L.A. with them.”

“Symmetrical scars?”

“Yeah,” Dan confirmed.

“So, we’re not talking heavy machinery ‘I was careless’ then,” Ella said.

Dan shook his head. “Not likely. ‘Hell’ is probably less of an exaggeration than we’d like to think.”

Ella thought for several moments. “Lucifer said this was a vacation. He’s going to go back.” Determination filled her eyes. “I’m not gonna stand by and let him.” She gave Dan a narrow-eyed look, “That means no more shit from you!”

Dan held up his hands in surrender, “I was out of line, way outta line, I know that. I nearly got both him and Trixie killed, there is no way I’d go back to acting like that.”

“You better not,” Ella said. She smiled brightly and put a friendly hand on Dan’s shoulder. “I’ll be watching, for your sake too. Friends help each other.”

“Yeah, I won’t say no to a supplemental conscience,” Dan said remembering the burst of anger he’d felt when he’d first seen Lucifer.

“Okay then,” Ella said. Then she frowned a little, “So how do we help Lucifer? He was acting all okay but, I mean- _The piano!_ He can’t be with losing that. I’m gonna, I’m gonna…. I had this whole alert thing set up, so we’d know if he got hurt. He’s so bad about asking for help and- And it didn’t _work!_ What do we do now?”

“I don’t know,” Dan admitted.

Ella retreat to her lab blinking back tears.

Dan turned back to the todo list on his computer, now topped by a request to review the background for Chloe’s new case. _‘So he didn’t leave because he was sick- Shit, his arm! That’s brutal- But Chloe’s no doormat. I should have realized that she must have known something was going on with him.’_

There were three kids in addition to the missing two in Chloe’s case. The oldest was a freshman in college, the youngest still in grade school. The missing pair were both boys, both in middle school. _‘Not the oldest or the youngest. Not all the kids or even all the boys. Why those two? ...Lucifer said his family might come after him but what about whoever maimed him? And hell, Amenadiel’s a good guy but you gotta wonder about that family. What if Lucifer’s not joking about them kidnapping him?’_ The screen saver came on and Dan realized he must have been staring blankly at the report for at least ten minutes thinking about the implications of all of Lucifer’s off-hand comments about his family and Amenadiel’s inability to rebut his latest tirade. “It’s none of my business, I don’t even like the guy,” Dan told himself, as he shoved Kasper Rajput’s business card in his jacket pocket, not sure when he’d picked it up.

After a moment Dan looked at the card again and his phone. “Hey, Carla could you run a background check for me? Name’s Kasper Rajput, with a ‘K’. He says he’s a PI, might be international… Thanks.” He got up and headed for the coffee machine.

“Did you see who’s back?” Rick, their Evidence Clerk asked grinning.

“Better start dusting off your excuses for when coke starts disappearing from lock-up,” Dan replied uncharitably. _‘I knew you missed me,’_ Lucifer’s voice purred sarcastically in the back of his head.

Rick just shrugged, “Wish he’d been here last month. Booked a shit load of hard evidence on a rape case but the vic didn’t press charges. Damn if I didn’t miss having the Devil on call to have a chat with guys like that.”

“You don’t actually believe his bullshit,” Dan said.

“It doesn’t matter what I believe, right?” Rick said. “After Lucifer ‘talks’ to ‘em they believe.” He smiled viciously, “Assuming the bastards are still coherent afterwards.”

Dan nodded. _‘Yeah, okay, Ella wasn’t wrong to worry about me.’_ He told the specter in his mind. _‘I can’t go back to that bullshit.’_

On the way back to his desk Dan noticed a certain dreamy look on the Desk Sergeant, Simmons’ face, “It’s been boring around here the last couple years right?” Dan prompted knowingly.

Simmons chuckled, “You’re not wrong about that… But, did he look a little off to you?”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Dan said. He hesitated for a moment then added, “You know it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep an eye out for anyone hanging around, showing a little too much interest in Lucifer.”

“I’ll have a word with traffic, they can keep an informal watch around Lux.”

“That’d be great,” Dan said. “I know traffic misses him.”

“And not just for the bribes,” Simmons said good naturedly. Then her expression darkened. “Seriously, how bad is he? I remember him being in the day after Decker winged him acting like he didn’t know the difference between a bullet graze and a sprained ankle.”

Dan felt a sickening feeling coil in his gut as his mind flashed back to Lucifer jumping at Ella’s hug and the empty sleeve he’d been trying to hide. “It’s bad, I don’t want to be the one spreading rumors but you’ll hear soon enough,” he said. “... Odds are it was something done to him.”

“Do we know who?” Simmons asked.

“Has he ever even trusted us with his real name?” Dan asked bitterly. “Last I heard he still appeared out of nowhere in 2011 and there’s no one in the LAPD, Chloe included, who knows otherwise.... Well, unless you believe that Devil stuff, ‘cause he says he’s back from another stint in ‘Hell’.”

“Makes it harder but he’s our crazy, impossible, civilian consultant,” Simmons said. “Let Decker know we’ll all be looking out for him, will ya?”

Dan nodded, feeling better about his earlier slip up and better about Lucifer’s return in general. He finished up the file for Chloe’s case, locating friends and family of the missing father and putting out calls to local police departments just in case it was a parental kidnapping. Then Chloe called, “Nothing definitive from the interviews but we’re calling it a day,” she said. “Lucifer’s less okay than he wants to admit.”

“I’m pretty sure he left the hospital AMA,” Dan said. “Maybe you should convince him to go back, we both know there’s no way he’ll listen to anything Amenadiel says.”

“It’s not that bad,” Chloe argued. “He’s a little tired, a little overwhelmed and, frankly, Amenadiel’s hovering isn’t helping. Look, I was thinking, it’s not my night with Trixie but do you mind if I take her? She’s missed Lucifer and it’s not going to be pretty if she finds out he’s back and we didn’t tell her.”

“Are we sure he’s staying?” Dan asked. “Because it didn’t sound like it to me.”

“He’s staying,” Chloe said. She didn’t have to say, _‘If I have anything to say about it,’_ Dan heard it anyway.


	3. Concerns

_‘I’m not being a douche,’_ Dan preempted his conscience as he went to pick-up Trixie from school. The lighter feeling he’d had after ‘encouraging’ the LAPD to keep an informal eye on Lucifer was long since gone.

_‘_ _Even if it’s out of Lucifer’s control it’s not fair to yank Trixie around.’_ Trixie had been devastated when Lucifer vanished and talks with her mom and Maze hadn’t done anything to reassure her. Dan had kept his thoughts on the subject to himself, at first because he’d still been angry with Lucifer and hadn’t wanted Trixie getting caught in the cross-fire, even if it was only metaphorical this time. Later, after his sessions with Linda started loosening the knot of anger he’d carried around with him since Charlotte’s death, Dan had kept his silence on the subject because- Because there were worse things for Trixie to hear than that Lucifer had disappeared without a word; Ella wasn’t the only one who’d set-up alerts after Lucifer went missing but Dan’s had been around the morgues not the ER’s.

_‘_ _Not to mention if there are people coming after him, it’d be irresponsible not to keep Trix clear of him, it.’_

Trixie was waiting on the front steps of her school when Dan pulled up and quickly said her goodbyes to her friends as soon as she spotted his car. She’d grown in the last year and Dan suspected that Trixie would be taller than her mom soon.

“So what’s wrong?” Trixie asked bluntly as she buckled up.

“Why do you think something’s wrong?” Dan replied.

Trixie rolled her eyes. “You and Mom decided I was old enough to walk or take the bus after school when I started Junior High, yet here you are. So what’s going on?” She gave him a glare that was only half-mock, “I am the daughter of two detectives, don’t think I don’t notice stuff.”

Dan hesitated, weighing the risks of lying.

Trixie gave him an unimpressed look.

Dan sighed. “Lucifer turned up at work today.”

Trixie’s face lit up. “Finally! I told Maze he’d figure out a way to ditch Hell.”

Dan frowned disapprovingly, “You know all that Devil stuff is just a metaphor.”

“Shhhuurrre Dad.”

“But, um,” Dan sighed and decided Trixie would find out soon enough anyway and he might as well warn her. “He lost an arm. He’s not sharing details, I just don’t want you to be too shocked when you see him.”

“That’s not possible.“ Trixie shook her head in denial. “He got _killed_ and he got better in time to save Mom and I,” she protested.

Dan flinched, “Monkey, you used to pretend Lucifer was immortal because it made you feel safer about your Mom's job after she got shot and about what happened that night but really he's just a guy. You know that right?” As part of his agreement after Malcolm, Dan had been required to check in with the department psychiatrist for the next six months to come to terms with being held prisoner. Dan had redirected most of the sessions into talking about Trixie’s kidnapping and how she was coping. The psychiatrist had assured him that there was nothing particularly alarming about Trixie assigning Lucifer the role of her and her mom’s ‘guardian devil’ if it helped her to make sense of what had happened and feel safe again.

Whatever had actually happened that night, Dan wasn’t surprised that Trixie found it confusing. Ella’s predecessor had retired abruptly after processing the scene. Dan thought the guy had moved back east, or possibly to Canada. He left without completing his report when it came to the large puddle of couldn’t-possibly-be-blood that Lucifer had walked away from.

Trixie’s chin came up and her expression closed over. “When can I go see Lucifer?” she asked. “I promise I won’t freak out about him being hurt. I won’t make him freak out either; hugging him is funny but not if he’s not okay.”

“I’ll call your mom,” Dan surrendered. “Maybe a short visit tonight if he’s not too tired." They quickly arranged for Dan to bring Trixie by Lux for a bit and Chloe was gracious enough, or simply too distracted, to even hint at ‘I told you so.’ 

It was still early when they arrived, Lux hadn’t opened for the evening but the staff was already preparing for the night and let them in as soon as they rang. To Dan’s eyes the nightclub hadn’t changed much in the two years Lucifer had been missing. There was a slightly heavier emphasis on the building as a historical site but mostly as an excuse to include Lucifer in that history. _‘Probably trying to use that to hold on to his draw while he was gone,’_ Dan assumed.

As they crossed the empty lounge Trixie started tearing up. Dan followed her gaze to the piano, still holding a place of honor at the center of the room. He pretended not to notice, saying it would be okay sounded ridiculous but he didn’t know what else he could say.

When the elevator arrived Dan stepped back. “You’re not coming?” Trixie asked. She frowned, “You’re not still mad at Lucifer?”

_‘Are you still mad at me Daniel? Or is it something else? You haven’t been up since the night you and Chloe raced here fearing that you’d be too late to save your daughter and I from the results of your... indiscretion.’_

Dan shook his head, “I don’t want to crowd him, Monkey. I was never really Lucifer’s friend, not like you or your mom.”

Trixie let it go. As the elevator rose, Dan grabbed a seat at the bar and pulled out his phone. A few minutes later Amenadiel joined him.

“How is he?” Dan asked.

Amenadiel shrugged, “We don’t agree about what’s important. In other words: Nothing new.”

Dan chuckled weakly. “I can imagine.” He waited for a moment then asked, “You think he’s back to stay?”

A tiny smile played around Amenadiel’s mouth. “Well, by the time our family’s managed a proper debate on the subject, years may have passed here with Luci happily recovering in L.A. Michael and Remi, two of our other siblings, have agreed to fill in for him in the meanwhile, to keep Hell from breaking loose, as it were. From their perspective it will be much longer… But, to be honest, Michael’s been unsatisfied with his current responsibilities for quite some time now.”

“And Lucifer thinking someone’s gonna drag him back to- to whatever happened to his arm?” Dan pressed ignoring the metaphors.

Amenadiel shook his head, “Despite what Luci thinks, our siblings aren’t all unified against him. We aren’t unified on much of anything these days, much less Lucifer.”

Dan rolled his eyes, _‘Trust Lucifer to be a drama queen.’_

_‘Oh yes, it’s obviously all my fault my arm got lopped off.’_

“Of course there are hard feelings and maybe it’s for the best that Luci’s NOT in the Silver City, still there are a lot of us who missed him," Amenadiel continued earnestly. "Dan, I didn’t even realize how much I missed Lucifer before my own brief exile, I’m certain it’s the same for many of the others.” He rubbed his hands against his pant legs, giving away uncertainty. “No one could possibly be comfortable with seeing him hurt, with what Luci’s demons were planning. After Uriel- What happened with Uriel is still- No one in the Silver City has truly had time to work through it- It wasn’t Luci’s fault.” He leaned forward, catching Dan’s arm. “You have to understand, Uriel didn’t leave him any choice and Father certainly wouldn’t have approved of one of us threatening a human life, much less his miracle’s.”

“Don’t- Just, no metaphors okay?” Dan muttered thinking about how maybe Trixie actually still believed all of Lucifer’s Devil stuff.

“Of course,” Amenadiel said. He ducked his head apologetically. “It’s… Habit… Where Luci’s concerned. But I’m- almost positive -Lucifer’s concerns are unfounded. Things move slowly in the Silver City. No one’s had a chance to digest any of this: Uriel, Mother, the threat against Luci. At this point the only way a consensus could be reached about Lucifer would be if Father stepped in. And he won’t- I mean I don’t believe he will. Because we have to choose to do the right thing for ourselves. Linda’s quite brilliant. I trust she’ll have Luci sorted out long before any choice could be made.”

Dan shook his head. “Your family’s messed up, you know that right?” he said wishing the bar was open.

Trixie came back downstairs fifteen minutes later. She stalked across the lounge with a predatory grace that made Dan think that he and Chloe were letting her spend too much time with Maze. For a moment her gaze settled on Amenadiel then her chin came up, her eyes narrowed and she swept out without a word.

Dan caught up with her at the car. “You okay?” he asked.

“Maze is right,” Trixie snapped as she slammed the car door shut and roughly yanked at her seatbelt. “Lucifer’s siblings are a bunch of self-absorbed, lazy, overgrown _pigeons!_ They let it get this bad! Count on them to fix anything? It’s bullshit!”

“Trixie,” Dan warned reflexively.

She glared at him angrily then settled into a bout of silent fuming that held for the rest of the drive back to Dan’s apartment.

Dan stole wary glanced at her and thought about calling Dr. Martin for advice, or maybe to warn her about the dangers of exposing kids to Lucifer’s Devil-nonsense because if Trixie believed Lucifer, God knew what Charlie would grow up thinking about his uncle. _‘Well, it’s not like he can convincingly play untouchable now,’_ Dan thought and immediately felt guilty for it.

Once they arrived Trixie flung her backpack on the kitchen table and dove into her homework with a determination that spoke more of not wanting a lecture than concern about grades. Dan threw together a quick stir fry. They were getting ready for bed before Dan had come up with a good way to breach the wall of Trixie’s simmering anger.

_‘Nearly a year of talking with Dr. Linda about what a douche you were and you still can’t think of a thing to say when your daughter’s having anger issues of her own? Tsk, tsk.’_

_‘I’ll think of something to say before Trixie leaves for school,’_ Dan decided. He spent a few hours finishing off paperwork while the news played in the background then went to bed still thinking about the discussion he needed to have with Trixie in the morning.

> Dan found himself sitting at his desk under the stairs, staring across the bullpen to where Chloe was hunched over her desk, her consultant’s regular chair pointedly empty. Peirce threw open the door to his office and swaggered across the precinct to loom over Dan. “Espinoza, you’re up.” The Lieutenant smirked knowingly as he handed Dan an address, “A dirty cop like you probably doesn’t need any help but I figured I’d make this one easy for you. After all, I wanted him dead too.”
> 
> As Dan headed out Ella pulled him aside, “I know you took the gun out of evidence,” she said.
> 
> “Ella, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dan insisted worriedly.
> 
> He got in his car and started driving towards the crime scene. Staring intently at Dan Lucifer said, “Tell me Daniel, why do I hate myself?” Dan wondered what the self-proclaimed Devil was doing in his car. 
> 
> “You both hate this Lucifer Morningstar very much,” Boris, the human lie-detector, commented knowingly from the backseat. Dan remembered how the heat of the sauna had made the scars on Lucifer’s back flush red like blood.
> 
> “I don’t hate him,” Dan protested.
> 
> Lucifer frowned. “You blame me for Mum’s death,” he accused.
> 
> “I don’t,” Dan insisted.
> 
> “Liar,” Boris declared. Then he looked from Dan to Lucifer with a puzzled expression. “You slept with his mother?”
> 
> “Step-mother,” Dan corrected.
> 
> “Still weird,” Boris said with a shrug.
> 
> “Daniel, answer my question! Why do I hate myself?” Lucifer whined obnoxiously.
> 
> Dan glanced back at Boris. “You know why,” he said. “You said it yourself: You hurt anyone who gets close to you.” They pulled up at the crime scene. A team of EMT’s rolled a gurney with a body past them. “You fucked up and Joan died,” Dan snarled as he shoved Lucifer against back against the car then he turned on his heel and stalked angrily into the building. 
> 
> Boris rolled down the car window and called after them, “Go ahead and kill this Lucifer Morningstar. I’ll find you your patsy.”
> 
> Dan took the elevator up to the penthouse. He stepped out into a long abandoned apartment. Trixie, barely eight years old, sat at the dust covered piano. “Mommy was crying again,” she told him. “Why did Lucifer go away?”
> 
> “Trixie, you’re not supposed to be here! It’s not safe! Go home!” Dan exclaimed. He heard the report of a rifle from the balcony and rushed out drawing his gun.
> 
> Malcolm turned and waved at him, the sniper rifle held casually at his side. “Hey, Danny-boy, the new Lieutenant sent you? What a guy!”
> 
> Dan pushed past the murderous detective and peered over the side. Lucifer stood on the street below, hands on his hips as he glared up at them irritably. “Oh, come on! You can do better than that!” he challenged. “Well, go on, then! What are you waiting for? Just shoot me right now.”
> 
> Malcolm sighted down the barrel of the gun. “Whatever you say.”
> 
> Dan turned away before he pulled the trigger.
> 
> Charlotte was waiting for him inside. “Daniel, where is my son?” she asked.

Dan woke up in a cold sweat, “Fuck,” he groaned. Running on habit he got up, remoted into his work computer and started searching the database for dark-haired suicides before remembering that Lucifer was back. Then he sent a text to Dr. Martin asking if she could squeeze him in the next day.


	4. Take Action

“Thanks for seeing me so quick,” Dan said as he sat on the edge of Linda’s couch, elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. “I haven’t had a standing appointment in nearly a year and you’re probably busy, what with Lucifer being back and-” his mind flashed back to Lucifer’s empty sleeve, “-And everything.” he said with a vague gesture.

“No, I’m glad you called,” Linda said. “Did something happen?”

Dan gave her a disbelieving look.

Linda shrugged, “They’d take away my licence if I assumed the huge thing going on in my life was a huge thing for my patients. Even if my practically-brother-in-law/patient, who happens to be your ex-wife’s partner, just made it back from Hell by the skin of his teeth.”

Dan was caught between a grin and a groan. “Not you too, please,” he said.

“Wanna tell me about it?” Linda encouraged him.

“Did you know Trixie believes him?” Dan asked. “She’s such a grounded, sensible kid, it never occurred to me that she’d still be drawing comfort from pretending that Lucifer has some sort of supernatural powers- Well, until she saw him last night. Now she’s… angry, disillusioned…”

“Disillusioned?” Linda asked.

“Apparently she always thought he was invulnerable and then she got broadsided with evidence that he’s not,” Dan said.

“That would imply Trixie being angry with Lucifer and frankly that’s not the vibe I got when she stomped out of the penthouse last night,” Linda said.

“You were there?” Dan asked in surprise.

“Where else would I have been last night?” Linda asked with a small shrug. “Dan, how are you feeling about Lucifer’s sudden reappearance?”

_‘Or would it have been easier if it_ had _been me at that last crime scene?’_ Dan shifted uncomfortably. “Should I really be talking with you about Lucifer?” he asked. “Isn’t that a conflict of interests or something?”

“Frankly, yes,” Linda sighed. “I mean, I’m aware the situation is far from ideal, but-”

“-It’s Lucifer,” Dan agreed. “You know, the whole black hole of crazy around him, it would almost make more sense if he actually were the Devil.”

“Wouldn’t it just?” Linda said wryly. “I can recommend a different therapist if you’re not comfortable talking to me about Lucifer.”

“You’re asking now?” Dan asked.

“We have had this conversation before,” Linda reminded him gently. “But circumstances change. For example, the odds of you running into him coming or leaving a session are much higher now. I can schedule the two of you so it doesn’t happen but Lucifer does tend to show up whenever he feels he has something to talk about, regardless of his appointment times.”

Dan grimaced but shook his head, “If I tried to explain Lucifer to someone who hadn’t met him they’d probably think he was some sort of Tyler Durden thing. Talking to you about a guy you’re pretty much related to is weird but at least I don’t have to convince you that I’m not deluded about what he’s like.”

“So that’s settled,” Linda prompted. When Dan didn’t say anything she repeated, “How do you feel about Lucifer being back?”

Dan stood up and walked over to stare out the window. “I worked through that it wasn’t his fault Charlotte died… Or mine. And it wasn’t Amenadiel’s fault she took that bullet for him, either. Sure, Lucifer could have told us what kind of a creep Peirce was but then Charlotte could have told us that she was investigating him too. A lot of people could have done a lot of things differently but what it comes down to is Peirce pulled the trigger, he’s the one to blame for her death- And after how he left, I’ve spent the last two years expecting Lucifer to turn up as a suicide.”

Linda nodded, “I know. The last significant conversation between you and Lucifer before he left was a bad one, no question about that. Neither of you were in a good place and you said some things that you’ve come to regret. But you need to look at that conversation on its own merits not in conjunction with Lucifer leaving. From your perspective, he just disappeared after that conversation and that gave it added weight in your eyes. But I can say, with complete certainty, that you were NOT a factor in Lucifer’s choice to leave.”

“I’m a fucking police detective,” Dan said, he got up and started to pace. “I’m trained to recognize the signs when someone’s self-destructive. God, Lucifer wasn’t even being subtle, he flat out said he hated himself and what’d I do? Did I tell him to talk to you? Warn Chloe or the Lieutenant to bench him before he decided to ask another sniper to shoot him? No. I did recognize the signs, and I did my damndest to encourage them. Every time he gave me an opening I tried to hurt him. I flat out told him he was to blame for Joan’s death and then-” Dan jerked to a halt as he censored himself abruptly.

_‘Dr. Linda may be a champ when it comes to objectivity but I suppose you have a point. Even she might have an issue with it if you told her how you nearly facilitated the brutal murder of her son’s uncle. And holding your tongue worked out so well for you after Palmetto didn't it?’_

Dan took a deep breath and tried to shut out the voice in his head, “And then he was telling me that he hated himself. Then he disappears just when I finally realize I need to pull my head out of my ass-” He spun around to glare at Linda, “Why couldn’t you or Chloe have told me where he was, given me a fucking number so I could call him- I just wanted to say sorry and hear that he wasn’t dead-”

“Dan, it wasn’t an option,” Linda said, shaking her head. “You know that.”

“-I get patient confidentiality and that he might not have wanted you handing out his information to me of all people. But couldn’t you have passed on a message? Had him call me, instead of just leaving me with all this bullshit festering in my head?” Dan accused.

“You did pass on a message through Amenadiel, a year ago, remember?” Linda said calmingly. “He told you Lucifer had accepted your apology.”

“Yeah, and somehow it sounded exactly the same as when Amenadiel told me that Charlotte was in heaven,” Dan growled. “Why couldn’t Lucifer call me? Why do you guys keep insisting verbal messages relayed through Amenadiel were the ONLY possible contact with Lucifer. There’s more access to ground forces in an active war-zone than that!”

Linda grimaced.

“And don’t tell me he was in Hell… But it’s okay because he’s the Devil,” Dan snapped. “Where is ‘Hell’, really?”

“Dan, I know you mean well but it’s not your business-“

“Isn’t it?” Dan demanded. “Look at him! A violent crime was committed against Lucifer. There’s nothing to say it’s being investigated. I’m a goddamn police detective. Chloe’s so happy just to have him back, she’s not thinking past that… For God’s sake, Linda, someone mutilated him and no one’s doing a damn thing about it! Hell with it! Am I a police officer or not? Someone should be finding out what happened.”

He spun on his heel and stalked out of the office, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Dan strode into the precinct with a renewed sense of purpose and determination a half-hour later.

He saw Chloe at her desk probably reviewing any new information that might have come in on her case overnight. Chloe looked happy and focused. _‘How long’s it been? Since Lucifer vanished or since Charlotte?’_ he wondered.

As always Lucifer was wearing a suit that probably cost more than a month’s salary for Dan but he was also hiding his arm and his pallor was best described as milk gone bad. Instead of leaning over Chloe’s shoulder to read the computer screen or pulling up a second chair, Lucifer had claimed a corner of her desk as his perch. _‘Splitting his attention between Chloe and anyone coming in,’_ Dan noted.

Then Chloe glanced up from her computer, her gaze met Lucifer’s and, for a moment, everything else vanished for the two of them. Clearly new lovers and deeply in love. Dan quickly looked away and saw Amenadiel, exiled to a corner, doing the same. _‘Still playing bodyguard,’_ Dan thought as he gave Amenadiel a nod of greeting and a sympathetic smile before continuing across the bullpen to Ella’s lab.

“Dan, what can I do for you today?” Ella exclaimed giving him a bright if strained smile as she looked up from her microscope.

Dan shut the door behind him. “You said you had something set up to alert you if Lucifer got checked into a hospital?” he asked. “How broad a net?”

“Well, with Chloe and Linda saying it was a family emergency, including the UK was a no brainer, Vegas, ‘cause he’s gone there before… Most of North America and Europe actually... I've friends from the various forensics conferences, I stay in touch, some of them are with the FBI, Interpol, you know." Ella explained. Then her eyes narrowed, “Why?”

“Do you think you could find out which hospital treated him?” Dan asked. “He might have used an alias less attention-getting than ‘Lucifer Morningstar’... Or even his real name.”

“Again, why?” Ella asked. She shook her finger at Dan, “I told you: No more of that bullshit you pulled with McCaffrey.”

“The exact opposite, I swear,” Dan said as he spread his hands in surrender. “I want to know that whoever hurt him isn’t getting away with it. And if someone’s coming after him, I want to know, so we can head it off.”

A smile broke over Ella‘s face like the sun coming out from behind a cloud, “Then I’m your girl. I don’t like to pry but Lucifer did say he might get kidnapped. We need to know who to be on the look-out for, right?”

“His family,” Dan corrected. “He said his family might kidnap him.”

Ella’s nose wrinkled at that, “Just because they’re worried about him and he’s not exactly great about looking twice before diving into dangerous situations.”

Dan shook his head, “We know Lucifer has huge issues with his father, that the man kicked him out of his home and Charlotte’s verified that there were real problems there. I’m not going to be surprised if, when we find out how Lucifer got hurt, we also find his past.”

“Okay,” Ella said, growing increasingly serious. “Lucifer thinks his family might kidnap him and we can’t be sure their intentions are good. He left because of a family emergency, came back hurt bad and we need to find out how it happened.” She let out a frustrated huff, “Lucifer’s totally insistent on his name, it never occurred to me that he might use anything else. I’m sure I can track something down, getting an arm wacked off isn’t exactly common.”

“I’ll start working on Amenadiel and Maze,” Dan said, his gaze straying to the lab window, to Amenadiel. “They know where ‘Hell’ is, they know Lucifer’s past. I’m pretty sure Amenadiel got called in after Lucifer got hurt- Check for someone with injuries matching Lucifer’s being checked into a hospital roughly eight days ago.”

Ella nodded and Dan headed back to his desk.

“Could we talk?” he asked, catching Amenadiel by the elbow and guiding him to an open interrogation room.

Amenadiel hesitated at the doorway, craning his neck to keep Lucifer in his line of sight. “Or we could speak here,” he offered.

“He’s not going to sneak out the minute your back’s turned,” Dan said.

“Apparently you haven’t met my younger brother,” Amenadiel replied dryly.

“Rephrase: He’s not going anywhere without Chloe and _she_ won’t sneak out the moment your back’s turned.”

Amenadiel chuckled, “You may be right.” And despite his reluctance he allowed Dan to tug him through the door.

“So, you’re here… Playing bodyguard… In the middle of a police station,” Dan said. “Do you think it might help if we, aka the police, knew who to be watching out for too?”

“I see what you mean,” Amenadiel said. Then he stopped.

Dan poked his shoulder and scowled, “Come on man. We’re on the same side here.”

“There’s no danger from the persons responsible for Lucifer’s injuries,” Amenadiel assured Dan. “Michael has given his word that the _situation_ will be contained. He was embarrassed when Lucifer prevented Mother’s war on the Silver City before it could begin, it’s Michael’s purpose to defend our home after all, he will see this as an opportunity to redeem himself and he will not fail.”

“Yeah, that’s great,” Dan said with a grimace, it was as if the metaphors around Lucifer and his family were inescapable. “If the guys who ripped off Lucifer’s arm aren’t coming after him then who is?”

Amenadiel stood in the center of the interrogation room, lips pressed tight together but saying nothing.

Dan sighed and sat down. “Can I tell you what I’m thinking?” he said.

Amenadiel nodded warily.

“I think your and Lucifer’s family is as shady as hell,” Dan said frankly. “The ID you were carrying when you were arrested gave your name as Dr. Isaac Canaan, not Amenadiel and if ‘Lucifer Morningstar’ isn’t a fake name then no wonder he’s got daddy issues… And Lucifer has a brother named _Michael_ , seriously? Anyway, as far as the LAPD can determine, neither of you existed before moving to L.A. You’re off the grid when you go home to ‘the Silver City’, or to ‘Hell’; no phones, no email, not even a goddamn postal service.”

Dan paused but Amenadiel didn’t say anything.

“I know you and Lucifer had your problems, especially when you first showed up… Saw him busted up back when he first started following Chloe around. He tried to play it off as a normal scuffle between siblings but I have brothers,” Dan grimaced, “Brothers who I don’t exactly see eye to eye with. I’ve never left any of them that beat up, ever.”

That brought clear guilt to Amenadiel’s expression and Dan knew he was on the right track.

“I think you came here to pressure Lucifer into falling in line for your family, for your father. But somewhere along the way that changed. You changed. I can’t picture you hurting Lucifer today. You stopped being an enforcer for your ‘family’.”

Amenadiel winced, “I stopped believing I knew what my Father wanted,” he corrected. “Without that certainty I had to look to my own conscience to determine what was right, both in terms of methods and ends.”

“I know Lucifer vanished the same night you got Charlie back after the kidnapping,” Dan continued. “I think Charlie was the leverage used to force Lucifer back into the fold. Am I wrong?”

“Father isn’t so cruel,” Amenadiel insisted. “Chloe has suspected something similar, Lucifer certainly believes that Father is behind all his misfortunes and I can’t say it’s beyond His ability to set such a thing in motion: Lucifer falling in love, the kidnapping all leading to Lucifer finally realizing that what he was asked to do is important! That Father didn’t simply devise Lucifer’s duties as a means to torment him. But He wouldn’t put someone in Lucifer’s life just to use them as a hostage against him.”

“What are these ‘duties’?” Dan asked thinking, _‘He’s almost as bad as Lucifer with the whole omnipotent father thing.’_

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Amenadiel said shaking his head.

“Try me,” Dan suggested. “You said there’s no way your siblings could agree about Lucifer. That they aren’t _unified_ against him, even if he thinks they are... So which of them _is_ out to get him?”

“None of us would purposely hurt him,” Amenadiel protested.

Dan waited.

“Luci’s always been reckless and he’s carrying on like nothing’s changed,” Amenadiel said. “He can’t stop himself from aggravating people.”

“Particularly his siblings?” Dan asked making his voice sympathetic. “Heat of the moment. They’re used to a certain level of self-defense from him and if he’s not capable of matching their expectations? Well, they wouldn’t mean it but...” Dan trailed off suggestively. “So, who do we need to watch out for? Which of your siblings has a problem with Lucifer?”

Amenadiel’s gaze went distant, Dan held his breath waiting for a name. Then, to his surprise, Amenadiel’s expression cleared. “After myself, Mike and Remi were always the most outspoken against Luci but they were among the first to go to his rescue.” Amenadiel smiled joyously, “And they _volunteered_ to take on his duties while he recovered. Despite everything that happened and Lucifer’s eons of exile we _are_ still a family.” Amenadiel stood up, still smiling, “Thank you, Daniel, for helping me to see that. Now you must excuse me. Lucifer has an appointment with Linda and Chloe’s forbidden him from driving the corvette, something about a… manual transmission?”


	5. Dead Ends

After Amenadiel left with Lucifer Dan tried to focus on his actual cases. He looked over his notes in preparation for a court appearance that afternoon, made some follow up calls on Chloe’s case and arranged an interview with the college-aged sister, Leslie Mulcahy before finding himself pulling out the file on he’d put together on Lucifer from where he’d shoved it in the back of his desk. “Where’d the money come from,” Dan said to himself as the heft of the folder reminded him of the number of properties Lucifer owned. “I find out where the money comes from, odds are I find out where Lucifer comes from. I find out where he came from, I find his family. And if I find his family,” Dan’s mouth tightened, “I find the threat.”

He started reviewing the file. _‘2011, Lucifer shows up out of nowhere and opens Lux. In a month he’s a staple for the gossip rags. Six months in, he owns a half dozen properties around L.A. According to the books Maze showed me back then Lux pays for itself but only just. There’s no way Lucifer bought those houses with the profits from the club, hell he probably can’t afford his own clothes with Lux’s profits.'_

Dan started digging. _‘Lux - original rental agreement written in lipstick on a pair of panties.’_ Dan rolled his eyes, _‘No mystery about how he pulled that off.’_

Three of the houses were gifts. _‘Aka payment for a_ ‘favor’ _\- His damn barter system doesn’t leave a papertrail,’_ Dan thought irritably. _‘How does he do it? Without any record of services rendered how does he NOT get ripped off. How does he just walk up to someone, years later sometimes, say ‘You owe me’ and they DON’T develop convenient memory loss?’_ Dan snorted disparagingly. _’Oh right: He’s the Devil.’_

Then Dan stumbled across a photoshoot Lucifer had apparently done back in 2011. It took place several months before Lux opened. Several months earlier than Dan had ever been able to confirm Lucifer’s existence, in the city, the country or at all, before. _‘How’d I miss this?’_ He went back and did a new visa search and once again failed to find any record of Lucifer entering the country. The call to the modelling agency proved much, much more interesting. “Of course I remember,” the agency manager said. “Lucifer and a friend of his, I don’t think I ever got her name…”

“Could it have been Maze or Mazikeen?” Dan interrupted. “About five-five, black hair, brown eyes, medium-dark complexion with scar bisecting her left eyebrow? Gorgeous and scary as all hell?”

“No, no that doesn’t sound like the woman he was with at all,” the agency manager said. “He just walked on to the shoot and asked if we wanted to dress him up… Of course we had to undress him first,” Dan just shook his head at the not unexpected titter. “Beautiful man but it looked like he’d stepped straight out of 1977. It was a great shoot, one of the best I’ve ever done, something about him just… Suddenly, everyone was ready to take risks they wouldn’t have before and it kept paying off. Actually, now that I think of it, I lost two of my models and a makeup artist that day, they left to pursue other careers, quite successfully I think. I can’t really begrudge them that. I tried signing him on right then and there but he said he didn’t think he’d be staying, just wanted to update his wardrobe. Completely worth the cost of the clothes.”

“Thanks for your help,” Dan said. He hung up and sat at his desk, something itching at the corner of his awareness. The story behind the modeling made him think of Lucifer’s initial, infamous, sex for therapy deal with Dr. Martin. _‘How is it that a rich guy born in this century looks at the barter system as his go-to?’_ He pulled Kasper Rajput’s card out of his jacket pocket and left it propped up against his computer screen.

By the time Amenadiel slunk back into the precinct, without Lucifer and looking like a scolded puppy, Dan had hit over a dozen dead ends.

Lucifer’s beloved corvette was reported stolen by the previous owner a day after the photoshoot which was now marked the first evidence of Lucifer’s existence in L.A., then it was returned, then the owner transferred the title to Lucifer. “He helped me with something,” was the only explanation Dan got for why. The address Lucifer used before Lux? Well, he’d convinced the owners to take that trip to South America. They’d dreamed of seeing Machu Picchu and Iguazu Fall for years and asking Lucifer to house sit for them while they were gone had seemed like a no brainer. It seemed like every asset of Lucifer’s traced back to a favor or cash. _‘Or bars of gold from his personal safe. Apparently, he didn’t even have a credit card until 2017 and he only uses it to buy stupid shit online.’_

Amenadiel stood, undecided, on the stairs leading down to the bullpen for several moments. Then he walked over and dropped into the guest chair beside Dan’s desk. “Luci won’t talk to Linda with me there,” he sighed. “I don’t like leaving him alone but it’s vital that he talk to Linda. I am certain that she’s our best hope of getting him better. Luci has to get better.”

“You do know his arm’s not going to just grow back?” Dan asked tentatively.

“Of course I know that,” Amenadiel scoffed unconvincingly. “It’s just… Raffie says he’s not healing right.”

“Raffie?” Dan prodded carefully, “Is that doctor who’s treating him? L.A. hospital or someone from where he got hurt?”

“Raffie’s our sister,” Amenadiel said. Then he quickly assured Dan, “She’s eminently qualified. There is no one more expert in healing, which is why I’m certain that Linda is the only one who can help him. If Raffie can’t help him then the problem must be in Lucifer’s mind, not his body, except as his mind informs his body. But I do have to admit that it might help if Luci hadn’t ran off while Raffie was in the middle of treating him.”

“Lucifer’s a difficult patient, color me shocked,” Dan said dryly. “But come on, we’re talking about some serious shit. You need to get Lucifer to an actual hospital, with real doctors, medical equipment, the works. If it’s not healing he might have an infection or something, he could die Amenadiel.”

“Difficult…” Amenadiel repeated distantly. He spent a few moments turning the word over in his mouth. “I said Lucifer was difficult to love,” he confessed. “I told him that loving him was Father’s test for me, a trial worthy of the First Born. But then- We were almost too late. Daniel, it was terrifying- If Mike and Remi had arrived even a minute later another of us would have been gone forever. And, in that moment, I realized that loving Luci isn’t difficult at all. That I had never stopped loving my little brother although, somehow, I had forgotten that I did.”

“Look, um, seeing you and Lucifer interact, I know you mean ‘brothers’ literally but-” Dan began awkwardly. “But with the money, his connections, the favors he does and, well, ‘Hell’- I gotta wonder: When you guys say ‘family’ do you mean some sort of crime family... or a cult?”

Amenadiel stared at Dan, mouth hanging open.

“And, I should have asked years ago, but Lucifer’s whole ‘I’m the devil’ thing? Is he legit crazy and that’s why your family let him go or is he playing crazy so they’ll let him go? ...I guess I’m past thinking he just does it for attention.”

Amenadiel shifted nervously. “Lucifer doesn’t lie.”

Dan rolled his eyes, “Unless it’s lies of omission or selectively told truths arranged to mislead-”

“Yes,” Amenadiel agreed.

“So either he believes he’s the Devil or it’s true that he’s ‘the Devil’ in some sense and I’m just missing the context?” Dan asked.

A brief smile crossed Amenadiel’s face. “Yes.”

“Thanks man, that clarifies everything,” Dan said sarcastically. “Now go get your brother and drag him to the nearest doctor. Medical doctor, not Linda.”

“Dan, trust me, Raffie is the best possible person to look after Lucifer’s injuries,” Amenadiel insisted. “I just have to convince him to let her take care of him.” A look of sadness crossed his face, “I wish we’d done things differently, that we hadn’t let the divide between Lucifer and the rest of the family grow so deep… I should talk to Linda about the best way to approach letting Raffie treat him.”

 _'Well, you tried. Isn’t that what matters?'_ The slow clap is the main thing that tells Dan it’s his fucked up conscience talking not the real thing.

* * *

“You can give up looking for the hospital where Lucifer was treated,” Dan told Ella, his voice tight with frustration. “According to Amenadiel they’ve got another sibling who took care of it.”

“We’ve been assuming that Charlie’s been used as leverage against them,” Ella reminded him.

Dan sighed, “Yeah I know and I can’t blame Amenadiel for protecting his kid. It’s just- Lucifer’s worked with us long enough, I wish they’d trust the police.”

“Well, we show them we’ve got their back then maybe they’ll start working with us,” Ella said. “Get Chloe to take him to a doctor, if anyone could talk him into it she can.”

“Already tried and it was a bust,” Dan reported. “Lucifer coming back like this, it’s really thrown her for a loop. It’s like, now, she believes his B.S. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, why don’t you talk to Lucifer,” Ella suggested. She shrugged a little, “He sees me like a little sister, pretty much a given that he isn’t going to take ‘go to the doctor’ advice from me.”

_'Why don’t you talk to me, Douche, hmmm?'_

Dan left to pick up Trixie at the end of the day without having spoken to Lucifer. When she wanted to see Lucifer again he told her that he'd looked pretty wiped out and they shouldn’t visit. It was the truth and a lie at the same time, _'Too much time with me on your mind?'_ And it occurred to Dan that their ‘family dinner night’ was coming up fast. _‘Chloe will probably bring Lucifer,’_ he thought with a sinking feeling in his gut that lingered through dinner.

> The elevator rose towards the penthouse. Chloe stood pressed against the opposite wall with her gun in hand, not wanting to be exposed when the doors slid open.
> 
> Dan’s heart threatened to beat its way out of his chest. They’d sped across town, lights and sirens blazing but now he wanted the elevator to go slower. _‘As long as the box stays closed the cat isn’t dead.’_
> 
> But the doors slide open and the light that spills out of the elevator reflects off the pool blood and brain matter surrounding Lucifer’s body. Neither of them stop to check for a pulse, there’s no point.
> 
> They find Eve and Trixie in the bedroom. Eve’s body is hunched over Trixie’s in a futile attempt to shield her from the bullets.
> 
> For a moment everything is frozen. Then Chloe raises her gun, “It’s your fault. You did this.”

Dan woke up praying for her to pull the trigger. He got up, splashed some water on his face and spent the rest of the night standing in Trixie’s doorway, watching her sleep.


	6. Talking to a Wall

“Lucifer!” 

Dan had been about to walk into the break room when he heard the enthusiastic greeting. He pulled up short, lurking in the hall awkwardly holding the lunch sack he’d planned to shove in the fridge. _“I would have thought you’d be more practiced in conversing with people you’ve tried to kill, it’s not as if I’m your first.”_

“Vending machine’s all stocked up with Cool Ranch Puffs.” Leaning back a little Dan could see the vending machine guy grinning at Lucifer.

“I had noticed a deplorable lack,” Lucifer said.

“Without you here they were going stale in the machine. But as soon as I heard you were back, I made a special trip.”

“Well, that was industrious of you,” Lucifer’s voice carried a hint of _‘What do you want from me?’_

“Just glad you’re back. It gets dull around here without you.” The guy grinned and slapped Lucifer on the back as he walked away. He didn’t see Lucifer’s face turn chalk white and his knees give out beneath him, didn’t see him grab the corner of the vending machine to keep from ending up on the floor.

_“Do feel free to continue standing about like a useless lump.”_

Dan forced himself to stop lurking. “Hey, you okay?” he asked.

“Peachy,” Lucifer hissed. He tried to straighten and released the vending machine but what little color was left in his face drained away and he swayed visibly.

Dan lunged to catch Lucifer before he fell. 

Lucifer flinched away, smashing the stump of his missing arm into the vending machine and crumpling to his knees.

Dan jerked his hands up. “It’s okay, I won’t touch if you don’t want me to.” He took a deep breath. “Can I help you up?”

Lucifer stared up at Dan for a long moment. “Don’t touch my back or my left side… Please.”

Dan nodded. “Okay.” He crouched beside Lucifer, offering his shoulder. “Why don’t you?”

Lucifer put his arm over Dan’s shoulders and Dan levered them up then staggered a few steps to get Lucifer to a chair.

“Do you have other injuries, besides…” Dan trailed off, trying not to stare at Lucifer’s missing arm.

“Nothing important,” Lucifer said carelessly. “Can’t be pinned up like a bloody butterfly without some pulled muscles to show for it. Well, actually you can, bondage can be quite fun if done properly. You’d think _my_ demons of all people would have known better… But, then...” Dan watched Lucifer’s eyes go dark and distant, the tall man shuddered. _‘Tied up, not for fun and games. They took his arm… Are we talking about a fight or torture here?’_

“You should go to a doctor,” Dan said.

“Just… Allow me a moment.” Lucifer smiled wanly. “I’ll be fine.”

“Amenadiel said you never went to a hospital,” Dan pushed. “Maybe they can do something. I mean it’s not like you have any objection to taking drugs.”

“Hospitals never give out anything fun,” Lucifer opined. He drew himself up imperiously. “I am fine Daniel. Do run along.”

“I’m just trying to help,” Dan said, frustrated.

“And I’m telling you I don’t need your help Douche.”

“Suit yourself,” Dan snapped. But as he left he glanced back over his shoulder and saw Lucifer slump against the wall, the knees of his too expensive suit covered in grime from the break room floor, face pale and lined with pain.

With a sigh Dan headed for Chloe’s desk. “Take your idiot consultant to a doctor, a real _medical_ doctor,” he told her.

Chloe looked up at him in surprise.

“It is that bad. I just found him all but collapsed in the break room,” Dan said flatly.

“Maybe the Lieutenant will let him take a nap on his couch,” Chloe said. “Or I’ll get him to go home for the day.”

“Chloe,” Dan said sharply. “He got his arm cut off plus... Whatever else happened to him. He needs to be in the hospital.”

“Lucifer doesn’t do hospitals,” Chloe said. “He saw his sister about it, that’s more than he did either time he ended up gut-shot. I know it’s a little weird but it’s just one of those things, like how he elicits confessions.”

“I thought it wasn't as bad as it looked during the hostage situation,” Dan protested. “And when else?”

“Malcolm,” Chloe said flatly.

Dan flinched.

“I honestly thought he was dead that night but he left under his own power and if I hadn’t seen the puddle of blood I would have sworn he never got shot at all,” Chloe said. “Look, Dan you don’t have to believe what Lucifer says about being the Devil but believe what you’ve seen with your own eyes. Lucifer can elicit confessions or a complete mental breakdown in seconds. He’s inhumanly strong. And he walks off bullet wounds.”

“Amenadiel admitted that he isn’t healing right,” Dan argued.

“He’s fine. They’re fighting about whether or not he should get a prosthetic,” Chloe said and Dan knew her tells well enough to know that she was lying. “I’ll go check on Lucifer.”

Fifteen minutes later Dan saw the pair of them bent over Chloe’s computer, looking absorbed in their case. Lucifer was doing an impressive impersonation of someone who hadn’t been nearly incapacitated by pain just a little bit ago and it made Dan wonders how much pain Lucifer was still in, how much experience he must have in suppressing pain to be able to pull it off.

Dan went into Ella’s lab. The bubbly forensics scientist looked up from her microscope curiously. Dan waved her off. “Just wanted to make a call without being overheard,” he said as he dialed Maze’s number.

“Looking for help with some off the books punishment?” Maze purred hopefully.

“Not this time but could we talk about Lucifer?” Dan said. “Trouble’s following him isn’t it? I want to be prepared.”

“You’re brighter than you look,” Maze said. “Meet me at the park near Linda’s office in twenty minutes. The Angelspawn’s got a playdate. The biting, screaming, stealing of toys,” she sighed happily, “It always reminds me of home.”

Dan rolled his eyes but Charlie adored Maze and so did Trixie. What’s more, Dan had no doubt that Maze would slaughter anyone who dared threaten either child. Maybe that shouldn’t have been a comforting thought but after Malcolm, Pierce and Charlie’s kidnapping it was something Dan deeply appreciated in a babysitter.

“I’m coming,” Ella said as Dan hung up. And so, twenty minutes later Dan dropped on a bench beside Maze at the edge of a small playground. Ella smiled at Maze and waved. “I haven’t gotten to see Charlie in an age,” she justified.

“You haven’t missed anything good,” Maze reported. “No tears or blood yet.” She had a bag of popcorn and never took her eyes off the toddler determinedly defending his corner of the sandbox.

“Amenadiel says we don’t have to worry about whoever hacked off Lucifer’s arm coming after him,” Dan said, getting straight to the point. “But I don’t buy it.”

“Yeah, Amenadiel’s suffering yet another bout of Pollyanna _faithfulness_ ,” Maze sneered. “Sooner or later those feather-brains are going to get bored with the caring, magnanimous act then either all Hell breaks loose or they come after Lucifer themselves.”

Dan nodded, “Pretty much what I figured. So we can wait for everything to go to shit or…”

Maze tilted her head back and examined Dan curiously. “What are you thinking?”

“Tell me where or what ‘Hell’ is and we go after them,” Dan said. “They mutilated Lucifer and I know you care. Help us put the bastards behind bars.”

Maze snickered.

“It’s not funny!” Ella hissed after throwing a wary glance at the pack of toddlers and other parents.

“Only because you two don’t know shit,” Maze said.

“Maze, just tell us about ‘Hell’. It’s clear that you, Lucifer and Amenadiel are trying to get out. We can help you, if you just let us,” Dan pled. “We know they, whoever they are, were behind Charlie’s kidnapping and that’s what pressured Lucifer into going back. I get why he left but you guys can’t handle this on your own. Look at what happened! If there’s a next time, Lucifer might not come back from it.”

“Fine,” Maze said rolling her eyes. “Listen close: Hell is Hell; residence of demons and damned souls. Lucifer is _that_ Lucifer; condemned by God to rule over us... And Milton is an idiot: Lucifer hates ruling just as much as he hates serving. For the record, he’s a pretty crappy king to boot.” Maze shrugged, “He was screwing around getting bent out of shape about souls that didn’t belong in Hell instead of paying attention to his demons. I get _wanting_ to hang him on the wall like a trophy. I don’t get _how_ they managed it. He’s Lucifer, the Morning Star, Breaker of the Darkness from which demons are born.

“So it’s cute that you want to help but put a demon behind bars? This demon? We’re figuring it’s either some new Archdemon coughed up by the Primordial Darkness to take Lucifer down or an Old One that survived the purge when Lucifer Fell, when he was crazy from the pain and still angel enough to kill anything not ‘of God’ on instinct. That’s what this is, not ‘of God’, pure demon.”

“As opposed to what?” Ella asked.

“My kind, the Lilim aka the children of Lilith,” Maze said. “Lucifer’s dad may have thrown her out of his creation but she’s still one of his. And she birthed us, soulless, bastardized mockeries of humanity we might be but there’s something ‘of God’ lingering about us.”

“Maze you’re not…” Ella protested.

Maze rolled her eyes. “Like I want to be more human. This is just how it is: Me and mine are close enough to human for your little minds to comprehend us. Whatever it is that defeated Lucifer, it’s not. There’s a good chance that just looking at it would be enough to drive you insane.

“You want to help and it’s cute but the fact is there is nothing you can do,” Maze stated. “Lucifer has to kick it’s ass. Lousy king or not, he’s the best choice. You humans want him on the Throne of Hell because he’s kept demons from tormenting living humans since the end of your fourteenth century. Shitty publicity aside, he loves the Mortal Plane, humans. I want him on the throne because, for an angel, he’s- no other way to say it -squeamish about killing demons. We’re soulless and most of Lucifer’s siblings wouldn’t see the difference between killing a demon and snapping a sword raised against them but Lucifer? He doesn’t like breaking us. His siblings want him on the Throne because they’re a bunch of assholes who want Lucifer and everything else that isn’t compliant and pretty out of sight and out of mind.” Maze grimaced, “The only one who gets screwed over with Lucifer on the Throne is Lucifer. And Decker, I guess. But you don’t believe a word I said, so… Good talk.”

Clearly dismissed Dan and Ella slunk back to his car. “That was yet another bust,” Dan said angrily slamming his door. “Maze is as bad as Lucifer about the damned metaphors. Amenadiel and Chloe aren’t taking Lucifer’s injuries seriously. Goddamn it!”

“I’m pretty sure Lucifer didn’t get his injuries in North America, Western Europe, Japan or Australia, probably not South America or the Pacific Islands,” Ella said in a rush. “We’re not getting anywhere are we?”

“Maybe Linda can do her job ‘working within the metaphor’ but I can’t,” Dan growled. “I need _real_ people, _real_ places to make an arrest. I need to know where the threat’s coming from.” He took a deep breath, “But you’re making progress, process of elimination you know.”

Ella nodded. “Okay then. I may have a friend who owes me a favor-”

Dan gave her a look.

Ella rolled her eyes, “Lucifer doesn’t have a lock on favors. Anyway, my friend did a little this and a little that. Travel to China, Eastern Europe and the Middle East is monitored and no one matching Lucifer’s description traveled to or from any of those spots, at least not legally. No injuries matching his in the U.S. but he didn’t leave the country, at least not using his passport. Which, you know, I’m only assuming he has.”

“Yeah, accent aside, he never entered the country with a passport either,” Dan groaned. “And then there’s my actual job, I need to interview the older sister in Chloe’s case. Get some insight into the family dynamics.”

“You could have Amenadiel ride along,” Ella suggested. “Even if you can’t get him to spill something more about ‘Hell’ he might have a different perspective on things.”

“You mean like how Lucifer projects all over practically every case he gets involved in?” Dan asked. “Except this time. I thought for sure Lucifer would be trying to pin it on the dad but nothing. Hell, I think it’s the dad this time.”

“And if we weren’t already worried about him that right there would be reason to,” Ella said.

Dan nodded. “You’re right. It might be interesting to see how Amenadiel reacts to questioning an oldest sibling.”


	7. Siblings

“So are you just planning on hanging out for an hour while Lucifer talks with Linda?” Dan asked Amenadiel.

“I’m not allowed to be in the building,” Amenadiel sighed. “They both believe that I would stoop to eavesdropping.”

“Linda too?” Dan asked sympathetically.

Amenadiel looked pained, “Linda… Does not have a short memory.”

Dan decided not to pry. _"Lest he pry in return. Your past certainly can’t withstand much scrutiny, Detective Douche."_

“So anyway, I’m doing an interview for Chloe in that direction. Why don’t you keep me company,” Dan suggested. “We drop Lucifer off at Linda’s, go do the interview then pick him up when his session’s over.”

“I would be happy to be of service,” Amenadiel said.

Lucifer scowled when they let him in on the plan but as they neared Dan’s car, Dan noticed the younger of two brothers slyly angling to cut Amenadiel off and get shotgun. Amenadiel caught on just before they reached the car and hip-checked Lucifer to get to the door handle first. Lucifer stopped and raised his chin stubbornly. “If I’m forced to tolerate the two of you, it won’t be from the backseat,” he informed them.

“Luci get in the car,” Amenadiel ordered.

“You heard my terms, brother,” Lucifer stated.

“You always get the front in Chloe’s car,” Amenadiel argued.

“Because she likes me better.”

“By that logic, I should get the front now,” Amenadiel said.

“I’ll drive and you and Daniel can both sit in back,” Lucifer purred suggestively.

“Luci, get in the backseat,” Amenadiel ordered.

“No. I have submitted to the Detective’s ridiculous rule about me not driving but I will not sit in the backseat like a child.”

“But you’ll fight over shotgun like one,” Dan groaned. “Someone get in the backseat so we can go.”

“Shall I call Linda and tell her to push back my session?” Lucifer challenged, fishing out his phone. After several moments Amenadiel sighed and got in the backseat.

“If I ever doubted that you’re brothers...” Dan muttered. “Doubt you’re _adults_ sure but brothers yeah, I’m seeing it.”

Amenadiel looked away in embarrassment. Lucifer smirked, apparently more concerned with having gotten his way than what Dan thought of him.

“Why haven’t you gotten an automatic yet?” Dan asked Lucifer. “‘Cause it’s not just Chloe’s rule; you’ve gotta be able to work all controls while keeping a hand on the wheel to legally drive a vehicle.”

“Boring,” Lucifer stated rolling his eyes. “Both your tedious little laws and vehicles with automatic transmissions.”

Dan just shook his head. He dropped Lucifer off at Linda’s and Amenadiel got in the front seat. As he drove toward UCLA Dan found himself giving Amenadiel confused looks.

“What is it?” Amenadiel asked after several minutes.

“You took out a loan to buy your car,” Dan said. After spending the previous morning digging into Lucifer’s ridiculous financials Amenadiel’s dealership loan stood out in stark contrast.

“Yes?”

“That’s normal,” Dan explained. “You didn’t dump a bar of gold on the dealer’s desk or get him a role in a movie or-”

“Ahh,” Amenadiel said knowingly. “You’ve seen Lucifer’s ability to draw out desires?”

“Every other time he gets involved in an investigation,” Dan said.

“I can’t do that.”

“Okay?” Dan asked.

“Money has no inherent value,” Amenadiel explained. “For some, the amount they’ve accumulated is a measure of their power or success, for others it represents the ability to… to go on a vacation or to acquire sustenance, it depends on the individual and their circumstances. To Lucifer it is an annoyance that masks people’s true desires, even from themselves. Anyone who tells _Lucifer_ that they desire money seeks to fill an emptiness in themselves that they do not understand.”

“Someday you’re going to have to explain that trick of his,” Dan said not wanting to examine how it sounded strange and slightly mystical and right.

Amenadiel shook his head, “It’s not a trick, it’s Lucifer’s gift and uniquely his.” He grinned. “As I don’t share my brother’s gift, I find it much more convenient to deal in a common currency rather than in what a person truly wants.”

Dan rolled his eyes but he couldn’t really contradict the idea that Lucifer was more happy dealing in desires than in something so prosaic as money even while the club owner threw money around like it was nothing. He let the conversation peter out.

They were turning into visitor parking on the campus when Amenadiel said, “You should bring Trixie over for dinner tonight. Linda says it will do us all some good to be around each other, around Lucifer, in a low stress setting.”

“Dr. Martin considers a family dinner low stress?” Dan asked. “She’s an only child of only children isn’t she?”

Amenadiel snorted, “I do not have much experience with ‘family dinners’ beyond movies but you are not wrong. Gathering among my siblings are almost always fraught with tension. Also about Linda’s family. One of her cousins came out to meet Charlie when he was six months old, apart from that I have had no interaction with her family. And yet… You and Trixie should come.”

“Linda thinks it might help Trixie?” Dan asked. “She’s been so angry.”

“Chloe is also angry with me,” Amenadiel confessed, then amended, “Not me exactly but I’m the only other member of Lucifer and I’s family readily available to be angry with. I’m increasingly afraid that her anger- That Lucifer’s anger with our family is not without justification. There is a problem in our family and for… a very long time we’ve been content to say that problem _was_ Lucifer. We’ve said that he needed to fix- To fix himself. That if he were different, if he would just do as he was told, then there wouldn’t be a problem. But- But I can’t dismiss it so readily anymore… I’ve come to believe that our problem is deeper than Lucifer.” Amenadiel grimaced, “It is not a popular opinion.”

 _‘Lucifer’s a pain in the ass, yeah, but... HE’s the problem? If HE were different? Fix HIM? Fuck, that’s messed up.’_ Dan thought. _‘Hell, that’s a homicide investigation in the making. Charlotte left that family for a reason and it wasn’t Lucifer.’_

Then they were pulling into the parking garage behind Leslie Mulcahy’s dorm and Dan forced himself to refocus on their Missing Persons case. When they arrived on Leslie’s floor the door to her room was open revealing several open suitcases, a stack of boxes and a dark haired girl hurriedly emptying drawers. Dan knocked on the door jam so as not to startle her, “Ms. Mulcahy?” he asked as he held up his badge.

“Oh! Right, you called me?” Leslie asked. She looked between the shirt in her hands and the open suitcase longingly then put the shirt aside and sat on a corner of her bed.

“I wanted to ask you some questions about your brothers,” Dan checked his notebook quickly. “Jason and Cory?”

“And my dad?” the girl asked.

“Do you know where they are?” Dan asked.

Leslie shook her head, “I should have been home.”

“Why?” Dan asked. “You’re eighteen, you earned good grades, got enough scholarships to be practically paying for college yourself. Seems like you’re exactly where you should be.”

“I’m the oldest, Mom and Dad depend on me,” Leslie said and Dan noticed Amenadiel nodding along with her.

“Do you know what happened to your brothers?” Dan asked.

“Nothing would have happened if I hadn’t left,” Leslie exclaimed.

“What happened, Leslie?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know! I just- I _should_ know, I should have been home. I could have…” She trailed off, wringing her hands together and staring at the floor.

“Leslie?” Dan asked “What might have gone wrong without you there to intervene?”

“It’s just- you know,” Leslie stammered.

“I do,” Amenadiel said, crouching to put himself on her eye level. “I’m the oldest too. You understand your parents better, you had them to yourself for awhile, so it’s on you to explain them to the younger ones.”

“Someone’s gotta keep ‘em out of trouble. I told Jase he was going to be the oldest now,” Leslie shook her head. “I never should have left.”

“What sort of trouble?” Dan asked.

Leslie shrugged, “Normal stuff, I guess. School work, problems with other kids, chores, fights. But Mom and Dad have their own stuff, we can’t always be running to them.”

Amenadiel nodded understandingly and Dan fought down a stab of guilt because he never wanted Trixie to be the sort of kid whose parents are too busy with their shit for her… But he knew that she was. In trying to bury Palmetto he had distanced himself from his family and even if he was doing better now he couldn’t unteach Trixie the lessons she’d learned then.

“Was there any particular ‘trouble’ afflicting either of your brothers?” Amenadiel asked. “Or your father?”

Leslie shook her head. “If I’d known I would have gone home,” she said.

“Leslie?” Dan asked. “You normally head off problems, right? Kept them from blowing up? You never let your parents get bothered by that stuff.”

The girl nodded.

“What happens if no one heads it off?” Dan asked. “What would your dad do if one of those ‘normal’ problems landed in _his_ lap instead of yours?”

Leslie winced. “He and Mom are busy,” she stressed. “It’s not like they wouldn’t be right to be mad if we just dumped all our problems on them.”

“Leslie, have either of your parents ever hit you or your siblings?” Dan asked gently.

“Dad isn’t abusive,” the girl snapped immediately. The interview didn’t last much longer after that.

As they drove away Dan asked, “What’d you think?”

“She seemed like a conscientious elder sister,” Amenadiel said.

“Yeah,” Dan sighed tiredly. “I wonder what had her parents so busy that she had to pick up the slack, raising the younger kids. And we need to find out what the dad, Kevin Mulchay’s about.”

Amenadiel frowned. “Why? It seems obvious to me that one or both of the boys got into some sort of trouble without their older sister to look out for them.”

“And what happened then?” Dan asked. “Jason and Cory are in over their heads, can’t hide it from Dad anymore. But did Mulcahy come to bail them out or did he blow a fuse when he found out? Was Leslie raising her siblings because her parents didn’t pay attention or because she was afraid of at least one of her parents’ attention.”

“Does it have to be one way or the other?” Amenadiel asked. “She seemed like a good big sister.”

“Kids raising kids is rarely a good dynamic,” Dan said. “For one thing an older sibling just does have the authority of a parent. I mean what would have happened if you’d tried to discipline Lucifer back when you were both kids?”

The silence from the other side of the car was profound. It crossed Dan’s mind that the beating he’d seen the aftermath of probably wasn’t the first or the worst injuries Lucifer had suffered at his brother’s hands. _‘If Amenadiel’s rejected the role of enforcer who picked it up… And how far will they go to ‘deal with’ the family scapegoat,’_ Dan wondered.

* * *

When he got back to the precinct Dan had an email from Carla in records, Kasper Rajput’s background check had come back clean.

His passport claimed he was from Birmingham. He was a licensed private investigator in good standing.

He had a few traffic tickets and one citation for drunk and disorderly that was old enough Dan guessed it was from his college days. He opened up the attached report: Rajput and some sort of ‘brother’, one Gabe Begay- _‘I didn’t think they had fraternities in England,’_ Dan thought recognizing the name as a fairly common Navajo surname. -Had gotten in a fistfight over a library book. _‘Of all the crazy things…’_ Neither man had pressed charges but the owner of the bar they’d trashed had, initially, until the pair apologized and offered to pay for repairs. The matter had been dropped after that. _‘Almost normal- Compared to Lucifer and Amenadiel anyway, at least Rajput has a past.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone is wondering: Begay means 'his son' and Kasper is a treasured secret while Rajput is offspring of the ruler . ;-)


	8. Family Dinner

That night as he drove out to Linda’s house with Trixie Dan wasn’t sure why he was doing it. _‘Is it really a good idea? Should I be around Lucifer right now? I meant to talk to Linda about how I keep thinking the worst of him, keep getting angry with him, even though I know it’s wrong. It’s not who I want to be but then… I ended up yelling at her because I’m still freaked out that he’s going to eat a bullet someday and it’ll be my fault, at least partially. I don’t trust myself not to act like a douche around him._

_‘Either that or I’ll spill about Tiernan. I still can’t believe Ella forgave me for that, I thought she and Lucifer were tight. There's no way the others will be that easy on me. Chloe would probably shoot me on the spot and I’d deserve it. I nearly got our daughter killed as well as her partner.’_ Dan glanced over at Trixie sitting tensely in the passenger seat. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” he said.

“I want to see Lucifer- And Charlie, it’s not his fault his parents are jerks.”

“So you’re mad at Linda too now?” Dan asked.

“She’s going to make Lucifer better just so he can go back there,” Trixie said. “This time Maze won’t let him leave her behind. She’ll remember why she likes Hell and you saw what it took for Lucifer’s family to get off their asses. Maze won’t let that happen again, even if Lucifer’s totally miserable there. We’ll lose both of them!”

“What’s your mom say?” Dan asked, feeling a little helpless.

Trixie scowled, “That Lucifer’s siblings have to help. What good is that?! If they were going to do anything they would have done it a billion years ago! I hate angels!” She glared upwards and raised her voice a bit, “I hate Lucifer’s Dad too!”

“Trixie, you can’t go around saying that,” Dan protested. “Most people don’t know about our Lucifer, they’ll get confused- And offended.”

“Who cares?” Trixie snapped. “I don’t give free passes to people who hurt my friends, no matter who they are.” She crossed her arms and glared out the window. Dan did not foresee a pleasant night ahead of them.

Pulling up in Linda’s driveway Dan was reminded of the other reason why he stuck with Linda as his therapist: Judging from her house he was clearly getting the ‘friends and family’ rate. Dan grabbed a box of chocolates out of the backseat. Amenadiel opened the door for them, he had Charlie balanced on his hip. “Trix!” the toddler squealed holding out his arms.

“How’s my favorite little angel doing?” Trixie cooed, taking the boy.

“Unca Luci here!” Charlie announced grinning hugely and pointing. Dan and Amenadiel followed their children through the foyer

“Lucifer! Sit down before you fall down!” Dan heard Linda order a moment before turning the corner into the kitchen.

Chloe had a bowl that Dan knew held a simple but tasty shrimp salad and she was digging through Linda’s drawers looking for a serving spoon.

While a pot of pasta boiled away cheerfully on a backburner, Linda and Lucifer were facing off over the sauce pan. Lucifer was swaying on his feet but holding a stirring spoon up out of the much shorter therapist’s reach, there was a row of spices lined up on the counter behind him. Lucifer was in his shirtsleeves, his missing arm unobscured by a jacket slung over his shoulder. The remaining stump ended just a few inches below his shoulder. _‘No elbow that’ll limit the functionality of a prosthetic.’_ Dan realized he was staring and dragged his gaze away.

“You don’t even own a jar of thyme!” Lucifer was whining. “I could smell the bland from the driveway.”

Linda had her hands on her hips and was glaring up at him. “Your body needs rest to heal. Go lie down until dinner and leave my food alone.”

Maze snuck up behind Lucifer and went up her toes to wrapped an arm around his shoulders as she flicked out her knife with a grin, “You heard-”

An electric current seemed to run through the room, freezing everyone.

Maze didn’t release her grip but she bowed her head and growled something so harsh and guttural Dan could barely believe it had come from a human throat.

And then something in the atmosphere shifted. Maze’s feet came down solidly, forcing Lucifer to arch his back to accommodate her lesser height and he practically leaned into the blade at his throat. “Normally, I’d be happy to indulge you in a little edge play Maze but you know the Detective isn’t a fan of sharing,” Luifer purred. Everyone took a deep breath in relief as the moment passed. The relief almost masked the residual spark of jealousy Dan felt. _‘You lost her a long time ago,’_ he reminded himself instead of pursuing the inexplicable feeling of danger that had held him frozen a moment earlier.

“Idiot, I’m _putting_ you to bed, not _taking_ you to bed,” Maze told Lucifer fondly.

“Dr. Linda, Detective, tell her this is not how it’s done,” Lucifer whined.

“Hey, if it works it works,” Chloe offered. “I’ve been trying to get you to slow down all day.”

“No need to worry Detective, I’m saving plenty of energy for tonight,” Lucifer replied, leering at her.

Maze hauled Lucifer backwards, past Dan and into the Living room where she tumbled him onto a couch. “Stay,” she ordered, her knife held to discourage him from trying to sit up. When Lucifer tilted his head back in surrender Maze claimed a spot on the floor, leaning back against the couch while idly spinning the knife between her hands.

“Spawn, go fix Linda’s cooking,” Lucifer ordered, when he spotted Trixie and Dan hovering in the door. “You at least know what spices are. And Daniel… You’re here,” Lucifer grabbed his jacket off the back of the couch and hung it over his shoulder. “I suppose you can distract Amenadiel from his incessant mother-henning,” he sighed.

_‘Condescending asshole-‘_ Dan’s gaze fell on the jacket. _‘Hiding, he’s hiding.’_

“Plenty of good company here,” Dan said, turning back towards the kitchen. “Not including you.”

Lucifer chuckled.

Dan watched as Trixie handed Charlie back to his mom and confidently took charge of the sauce. “When’d she learn to cook?” he whispered to Chloe.

“Apparently while Lucifer was breaking into my place, ignoring boundaries and cooking us breakfast for two and a half years, until-“ Chloe broke off abruptly.

_‘Until she got involved with Pierce,’_ Dan realized. _‘Bastard screwed us all over.’_

Charlie started whimpering for his lovey. Maze brought a fuzzy, dove-grey blanket and took the toddler from Linda then, with an evil gleam in her eyes, she deposited the boy on the couch beside Lucifer. Charlie stuck two fingers in his mouth and stared at Lucifer while he rubbed the blanket against his cheek. After a bit Charlie crawled over and curled up against his uncle’s side. Lucifer sat frozen, watching the child as if he were a venomous snake that had curled up next to him. “I hate you,” Lucifer mouthed at Maze over Charlie’s head but he made no move to dislodge the little boy.

“Are you going to take pity on him?” Dan asked Amenadiel sotto voce.

“Nope,” Amenadiel replied smuggly.

“I think they’re cute,” Linda said as she fished out her cellphone to take a picture. 

Charlie saw the camera and mugged for his mother.

“Maze is rubbing off on you doctor,” Lucifer pouted.

“I wish,” Maze muttered. Then she threw a questioning look in Dan’s direction. He flushed and subtly shook his head. _‘It wasn’t a relationship,’_ Dan reminded himself. _‘She’s still hung up on Eve- and Linda I guess- I’m not ready to move on from Charlotte. Maze just gets an itch sometimes, particularly after a fight. I’m convenient, she’s hot- and there’s no risk of me screwing with her the way I did to Chloe, the way I tried to do to Ella. I try to take advantage of Maze’s feelings and odds are I’ll be eviscerated… Probably right after she comes, ‘cause she’s crazy like that.’_

Lucifer watched the byplay between Maze and Dan with salacious curiosity.

“The pasta sauce is saved,” Trixie announced proudly.

Chloe swatted her daughter lightly on the shoulder with a _‘be nice’_ look. “Let’s get the food on then!” she said.

Amenadiel went to rinse the pasta while Dan took the heavy saucepan off of Trixie’s hands and held it over the serving dish so that she could scrape it in. Chloe put her salad on the table while Linda poured drinks. Maze rescued Lucifer from Charlie, putting a bib on the boy then depositing him in his highchair. When Amenadiel pulled a loaf of garlic french bread out of the oven and started slicing it before tossing the pieces into a basket with a towel to keep them hot it hit Dan that nothing in the meal required a knife; no rolls to butter, no meat to slice, _‘Nothing that Lucifer might not have had time to learn to deal with one-handed.’_

Everyone sat down and Dan realized he was waiting for someone to say Grace, as would have been the norm for any Espinoza extended family dinner. For moment he missed regular Sunday dinners with his family, but there’d been enough opposition when he’d married an atheist that he hadn’t wanted to face the I-told-you-so’s after his marriage failed even though religion hadn’t had anything to do with why he and Chloe hadn’t worked out. _‘Well, not unless you consider ignoring ‘Thou shalt not kill’ as the root of our problems… Not even that really. If I hadn’t shot Malcolm I’d be a widower instead of divorced. It was covering it up that killed my marriage.’_ While Dan had been lost in thought everyone else had dug in and Dan remembered he was eating with the self-declared ‘Devil’ and a ‘demon’. Imagining the scene Lucifer or both Lucifer and Maze would cause at thanking God for their food, Dan suppressed a snicker. Amenadiel caught his eye and responded with a long-suffering sigh apparently knowing exactly what Dan was thinking.

“This is great, Monkey,” Dan said after tasting the sauce and Trixie preened.

Charlie gnawed on his bread for a while then got bored and threw it on the floor. Linda gave her son a reproving look, “We don’t throw Charlie.”

“Except knives,” Maze remarked. “I’ll teach you to do it right.” When both Linda and Amenadiel skewered her with their glares she added, “When you’re older. Naughty Charlie, no throwing food.”

Naturally, Charlie chortled at that and Linda rolled her eyes while Amenadiel glared more fiercely at Maze. Lucifer laughed, “Perhaps there is some fun to be had with this supplemental-parent role you’ve thrust upon Maze and I.”

_‘Godparents,’_ Dan translated mentally. _‘Seriously? Maze and Lucifer are Charlie’s godparents? What were his parents thinking?’_

About halfway through the meal, Lucifer’s eyes started to slide closed. Chloe nudged him awake before he could knock over his wine glass. Lucifer shook his head in irritation, “This is absurd. I’ve hardly done a thing today,” he frowned at Amenadiel as if his brother were somehow to blame for that, “And yet I’m as exhausted as if I’d been up for seventy-two hours.”

“Lucifer, you experienced a massive physical trauma,” Linda said patiently. “That alone is enough to result in the exhaustion you’re experiencing. It will get better if you give yourself the opportunity to heal.”

“You don’t have to be okay right now,” Chloe clarified. “You’ll heal faster once you let yourself be hurt.”

Maze nodded, settling the matter in her own mind. “It’s like the upclass version of crawling in a hole till you’re ready to kick ass again,” she said. “Maybe you don’t remember but we did that more than once back before you were King.” Dan swallowed harshly, torn between annoyance at yet another metaphor and pity; metaphor or not the image Maze was painting was pretty awful.

Lucifer cocked his head to the side, bird-like, “Not just before,” he commented matter-of-a-factly. “Bedial knew well enough how I’ve slipped out of various coup attempts; he was careful about cauterizing my arm and took pains to ensure I couldn’t slit my throat.”

“You’ll have to kill him,” Maze said casually. “Or take me down and let me do it.”

_‘_ _You can’t just go around talking about killing people, especially not yourself and why isn’t anyone else freaking out?’_ Dan couldn't find his tongue to actually give voice to his thoughts. But no one said anything. Amenadiel only sat there, shoulders curled inward, looking guilty. Chloe and Trixie both looked like they wanted something to fight and Linda had her professionally neutral expression on.

_‘Perry Smith. Try not to be a hypocrite on top of a douche, Daniel.’_

Lucifer grimaced but nodded in agreement with Maze’s assessment. "Once Cthulhu is dealt with I have a list, at least a dozen of greater demons who decided backing him was the winning move." 

" _Cthulhu_?" Linda squeaked. "Is that real now too?"

Lucifer shrugged, "I have to call it something and that fits as well as anything."

"This is the guy who took your arm?" Dan heard himself say. "Who is he really? Give me a name, a place, something I can put in front of a judge..."

Maze groaned and rolled her eyes. 

"I thank you for your concern Daniel," Lucifer said, "but if that would work don't you think the Detective would have done it already?"

"Tonight is NOT about talking shop," Linda decreed. "Change of topic. Amenadiel and I have been talking about starting Charlie on an instrument. We've been trying to figure out the best age."

"Well, old enough not to get the keys sticky," Lucifer said. When he started nodding off again, Chloe declared an end to dinner and left to drive him back to Lux for the night. Dan didn’t doubt that she’d spend the night. Linda went to get Charlie ready for bed while Trixie bossily took charge of clean-up. Dan cheerfully didn’t argue when his daughter put him on dish-washing duty since it was Trixie who set Amenadiel to doing the drying and more importantly, Trixie ordering Maze to scrape the plates.

Linda pulled Dan away before they’d finished. “So how are you doing?” she asked.

“Ambush therapy session?” Dan asked frowning at her.

Linda shrugged, a small smile hovering behind her eyes. “You ended our last session a bit abruptly.”

“Sorry,” Dan scratched the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed. “I know, we spent what? A year talking about this? About how anger’s my go to emotion, that it’s comfortable for me. I’m- Lucifer vanishing, coming back, his arm, that I was using him as a scapegoat because I was a mess about Charlotte before he vanished -I’m not comfortable right now. So I got angry at you.”

“You’ve been listening,” Linda said, she gave him an approving grin. “And remembering to work things through, to figure out _why_ you’re angry. That’s excellent. So, how are you feeling about tonight?”

“It… Wasn’t the complete disaster I thought it would be.” Dan shrugged, “I don’t like Lucifer. But Chloe and Trixie do, I can’t ask them to stop including him in their lives. I don’t want to give up my friendships with Amenadiel or Maze- Or with you. We’re both friends with Ella. Basically, it’d be shitty to ask anyone to choose between us and I know that but…”

“But you don’t like him.”

“He doesn’t like me either,” Dan said.

Linda took a breath then quickly clamped her mouth shut.

Dan sighed, “We have to be able to get along and it’s on me to fix things between us, given how I was and-” Dan cringed a bit, “His arm. He’s got enough shit to deal with, without mine. So tonight was good. Lots of buffer but Lucifer and I, together for a couple hours socially and no blood drawn, it is possible after all. So, thanks for having me. “

Linda tilted her head to the side inquisitively, “What did you think was going to happen?” she asked.

Dan snorted, “I thought I was going to hurt him. It used to drive me crazy, the way nothing I did seemed to matter to him- Linda, after Charlotte died, I wanted to hurt him.”

“I know,” Linda said quietly. “But remember, part of why you lashed out at Lucifer was because you believed you couldn’t hurt him. After Charlotte died you used him as a safe outlet for your anger.”

“Yeah, well, that part of me was wrong. He was fucked up and I did my damnedest to hurt him worse. He’s not invulnerable. He’s gotta care at least a little about what I think of him or the idiot wouldn’t have kept seeking out my ‘advice’ when we both knew I was just using the opportunities he handed me to be a douche. Well, I got what I wanted didn’t I? He was a world-class pianist, you know,” Dan finished with bitter self-recrimination.

“Dan,” Linda said cautiously. “Regardless of what you might have been thinking at the time, you are NOT responsible for Lucifer’s injuries. You said Amenadiel and I let this fester by not putting you in contact with Lucifer back then. He’s here now, you can talk to him about how you’re feeling.”

Dan shook his head, “No. How can I? With everything he’s got going on the last thing he needs is me dumping my shit on him. He lost his arm, he probably doesn’t even remember all that garbage from back then.”

_‘Of course I don’t know about how you nearly facilitated my brutal murder do I?’_

“It’s not like I haven’t been here before,” Dan told Linda. “Needing to make amends even when no one around me is asking for it. I- I’m doing the best I can at being, well, less of a douche to him. And I’m going to figure out who hurt him, before they come back. I can’t take back how I acted then. I can’t fix his arm. But this? Find the bad guys and put ‘em away, this I can do. I can make it up to him, I just have to try harder..”

“Dan, please, talk to Lucifer,” Linda said. “Believe me, the last thing he wants from you is guilt.”


	9. Digging into the Past

After he dropped Trixie off at school the next morning Dan took out Kasper Rajput’s card and made the call. “How do I know that you’ve got anything useful about Lucifer?” he asked bluntly.

“Detective Espinoza, I’m sorry your investigation is not progressing to your satisfaction,” Rajput said politely.

“I’ll just bet,” Dan said. “I’m not saying I’m ready to hand over anything to a PI who doesn’t want to say why he thought it was worth the bother of traveling halfway around the world to… Offer his help. But, theoretically, if I were ready to collaborate what guarantee do I have that you’d contribute anything?”

“Call him Sam,” Rajput suggested. “I think you’ll be very interested in his response.”

Dan tried to picture Lucifer as a ‘Sam’ and couldn’t see it. “How about a description of his siblings: Amenadiel, Michael, Azrael, Remi, Raffie...” Dan trailed off leadingly, hoping that Rajput would provide a few more names at least.

“Detective, you know Amenadiel, and his progeny, quite well,” Rajput scolded lightly. “Michael, you’ll know when you see him… Unless you mistake him for his twin.”

“Lucifer is a twin?” Dan groaned.

“Yes, there are two of them,” Rajput chuckled. Then he continued, “Before you ask: Yes, Azrael is a girl. At five foot three she’s the shortest of the siblings and appears to be the youngest. She has dark hair worn short and a round face. Recently she’s taken to wearing heavy glasses, pleated skirts and shirts featuring strange pictures or sayings on them. She strives to appear unthreatening. Remi, or more properly Remiel is five foot nine, she looks about nineteen. You would likely place her origin as Southeast Asian, with long, dark hair and an unapproachable mien. You shouldn’t worry about Raffie, Rafael. As her name suggests, Rafael is an utterly dedicated healer, she would never harm anyone. But if you must know she’s five-eleven, looks about forty, has a Mediterranean complexion and almost always wears her hair in a low bun. Her clothes will also be practical, simple and scrupulously neat.”

Rajput paused significantly, “Uriel, yet another sibling, was in Los Angeles in 2016, a week or two before Allhallowtide. You may have met him without realizing who he was. He has- had a Roman look to him. Uriel wasn’t tall, only five-eight with greying hair and looks to be about fifty. Uriel never really stood out in a crowd.”

“I gotta ask: With the angel names and multinational ‘family’,” Dan broke in. “I mean okay, Lucifer and Amenadiel, one of them could have been adopted, or even a half-sibling, they certainly act like brothers- But come on two more ‘siblings’ with different ancestries? Are we talking about some kind of cult?”

“I don’t wish to unduly influence your investigation,” Rajput said. “I value your perspective Detective Espinoza. That is why I wish to hear what you know, what you think of Lucifer Morningstar before I contaminate your view with my own. I’m sorry I can’t help you more.”

“Can you talk to a sketch artist or would that be too prejudicial?” Dan challenged.

“Arrange that I won’t encounter Lucifer and I’ll see what I can do,” Rajput offered. “I don’t want a confrontation, not without all the facts.”

* * *

“Sam?” Ella asked dubiously. “That’s not much to go off of. Could be short for Samuel, Samson, Samir, Samatha-”

“At 6’3”, I doubt it,” Dan interjected.

“Sanborn, Salvatore, Salomao, Salomon… Heck, it could be short for Samael, which really wouldn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know.”

“Why?” Dan asked.

“‘Cause that’s the _other_ Lucifer’s name, before he Fell,” Ella said. “Lucifer's parents would have to be _really_ screwed up to name a kid that-”

“And that’s something we don’t already know?”

“Sam doesn’t even have to be a first name. It could be S.A.M. like Sean Angus Malloy, you know, from ‘MacGuyer’. -Like Mac’s given name was the burning question we all wanted answered in the finale. If he doesn’t like his name who cares? ...Dan, maybe we shouldn’t be doing this. Lucifer wants to be called Lucifer, that’s good enough. We shouldn’t really be digging up a dead name.”

“It matters if there’s someone coming after ‘Sam’,” Dan said. “He may want to leave his past behind but if his arm’s not the last of it catching up with him…”

“Yeah, okay, you’re right. But don’t go around calling him Sam, okay?” Ella said. “You know there are people who’d leap at any excuse to not say ‘Lucifer’.” She glared up at Dan threateningly, “So this stays between us.”

“Right,” Dan agreed. “I’ve also got a few more names of siblings: Remiel, Rafael, Uriel, Michael- who is Lucifer’s twin; definitely one screwed up family.”

“Angel names,” Ella said. “I mean, I’ve never heard of an angel named Amenadiel but it fits the naming convention. Angel names!!”

“Which means Sam probably _is_ short for Samuel or Samael,” Dan added. “Or Sam’s his name from before… Well, there's really not much doubt left that we’re talking ‘cult’ here. If Lucifer wasn’t born into the cult, Sam might be from before they got a hold of him.”

Ella wasn’t listening to him, “Michael, Rafael, Uriel, Remiel, Amenadiel... Lucifer… Plus Gabriel, Raziel, Castiel and Haniel! Shit! No way! No fucking way!! Gabe, Raffie, Uri, Remi, Mindy- Oh my God, I thought Amenadiel was a girl for years! -Raz, Cas, Hana, the twins Lu and Mike… And Rae-Rae, which angel name corresponds to Rae-Rae?”

“What?” Dan asked.

“Rae-Rae, my best friend from Detroit, she’s Lucifer’s little sister!” Ella exclaimed.

Dan stared. “Lucifer’s family is from _Detroit_? You knew Lucifer’s family?!?”

“I know Rae-Rae,” Ella corrected. “Lucifer had already been kicked out. He was Rae-Rae’s favorite brother and she talked about missing him, except- Well- I think she blamed him for getting kicked out.”

“Okay, we need to talk to her,” Dan said. “Lucifer’s family is still the most obvious threat to him. Amenadiel knows it but he doesn’t want to think about it. If she could maybe give us an idea of which siblings are most likely to go rogue and try to deal with their issues with Lucifer violently.”

Ella winced, “It’s not that simple.”

“You lost contact? Come on we’re the police, you can find a-”

“She’s dead.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Since 1997,” Ella continued. “She was around fourteen when it happened. Like I said, I just know her. I don’t know why she was in Detroit or if any of her family was with her but Lucifer wasn’t. And... um… I don’t think Lucifer knows she’s dead. I think… maybe… It’s possible she was looking for him, you know, after he got kicked out- Which is highly misleading. ‘Cause from what I gather, ‘kicked out’, in Lucifer’s case, doesn’t mean his family washed their hands of him. He was sent somewhere and his family was, _is_ highly invested in keeping him doing whatever it is he does there. But anyway, Rae-Rae might have, sort of, possibly run off to look for Lucifer or something… And got killed. In a big car wreck. That I was in too. So… um… be careful about mentioning it, okay?”

“That’s… Ella, damn, that’s…” Dan stammered.

“It’s okay,” Ella said quickly, glancing away.

Dan nodded. He took a deep breath, “It adds to our timeline: 2011 Lucifer Morningstar appears out of nowhere in LA. His family or at least some part of it was in Detroit around 1997, we should explore that: How long were they there? Who was there? What name did they go under? Are there any clues as to what the hell is the deal with that family from Detroit?”

“I’m on it,” Ella volunteered.

Dan took a deep breath, “And then there’s Charlotte, Lucifer might not have existed on paper before 2011 but Charlotte did. Her timeline has to intersect with his somewhere. Given the age difference between them, I’m guessing he probably wasn’t more than ten, young enough that even a half decade or so would have been significant. Somewhere, in 1990 plus or minus a couple years, Charlotte and Lucifer were in the same place.”

“Should I?” Ella asked.

Dan shook his head. “Her ex, Elliot Richards, he doesn’t hate me. I can talk to him, maybe her parents, see if we can find out anything about where she was in 1990.”

“We need to know If she dropped off the map 'roundabout 1990,” Ella suggested. “‘Cause there’s no record of her marriage to Lucifer’s dad. Trust me, I looked after she told Chloe that she was his step-mom.”

“And Lucifer is a twin,” Dan said. “If we are talking about cult, if they were kidnapping kids, a pair of twins being reported missing sometime in the 80’s or late 70’s will narrow the search. I’ll talk to Missing Persons.”

“Which leaves talking to Lucifer about who he thinks we should be worried about,” Ella said. She shrugged, “Since Amenadiel and Maze wouldn’t spill.”

Dan grimaced, “I’m probably not the best person to talk to Lucifer. And asking who’s out to get him isn’t the same as trying to get him to take medical advice.”

“You can’t talk to Lucifer but you can talk to Charlotte’s family?” Ella asked doubtfully.

“You know why I can’t talk to him,” Dan quietly. “You’re the only one who really knows.”

Ella twisted her hands together nervously. “Dan, you didn’t know Tiernan was going to try to kill him…. Right?” she asked, her voice hitching.

“I didn’t know,” Dan affirmed. “I didn’t know Tiernan was Chloe’s suspect.”

_‘So what did you THINK it was going to accomplish? Telling Tiernan I was the one who crippled his miserable cop-killing, human-trafficking son?’_

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Dan told Ella. “I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. I just- I was mad, I wanted to get Lucifer in trouble, I didn’t want him to get _killed_. I don’t know what I expected Tiernan to do.”

* * *

 _‘We don’t have many other leads and I told Ella I could talk to him,’_ Dan reminded himself as he sat in his car in front of the house Charlotte had shared with her husband and their children. _‘If someone comes after Lucifer, Trixie could end up in the cross-fire, again.’_ He got out of the car and started slowly walking up the driveway.

Dan paused for one last fortifying deep breath and rang the doorbell.

Several minutes later Elliot Richards answered it, he stared at Dan for a moment before saying, “Dan… Is there a reason you’re here?” Then he grimaced, “Sorry, don’t mean to be rude but-”

 _‘But we haven’t spoken since the funeral. Charlotte and I took your kids out with Trixie to Knott’s Berry Farm and you asked me to be one of her pallbearers but we’re not friends,’_ Dan thought. _‘If Charlotte had had more time to make things right with her kids after… After whatever possessed her in those months that she forgot… Maybe, with time it would be like it is with Trixie and Lucifer. He’s part of Chloe’s life and Trixie’s life and well… It could be worse, at least Chloe didn’t actually marry that bastard Pierce.’_

“I was going through Charlotte’s files again,” Dan said. “This is going to sound like a stretch but I think she might have had a run in with the Sinnerman network as early as college.”

Elliot slumped tiredly. “It just keeps going back further and further. First it’s that asshole at her firm trying to kill her while she was finally working to bring down some bad guys instead of getting them off. Then it’s Forest Clay and her suspecting that her firm was covering up murders all the way back to when she hired on. Now you’re telling me there was stuff going on even earlier?”

“I don’t know man,” Dan sighed. “Charlotte was trying to make up for her past in the end. I know she didn’t do right by her family those couple of months but her trial after Chet Ruiz’s death? That wasn’t just some lawyer pulling a fast one. Like you said, she was trying to do the right thing and she got attacked, violently. She saw someone she’d been working with murdered right in front of her and it’s a damned miracle she escaped with her life. For the next couple of months, she was having a mental breakdown. I know she scared the kids but it wasn’t her, not really. I spent time with her during and after that period, believe me, it was like she was an entirely different person. But there might have been something earlier.”

“But all that Sinnerman stuff?” Elliot asked plaintively. “It’s been all over the news. How could she have been mixed up in that and not have realized just how bad it was?”

Dan shook his head, “Elliot, the Sinnerman network managed to replace the real Marcus Pierce with their guy and kept two police departments in the dark about it. One of his lieutenants put out his own eyes with a ballpoint pen in one of the precinct's interrogation cells. It’s not just a criminal organization, it’s an old and very well organized cult. Charlotte probably would have been in her late teens or early twenties. Most likely she would have been unaccounted for several months, at minimum-”

“Senior backpacking trip,” Elliot mumbled. “She never talked much about it, I wouldn’t even know about it except it came up at her high school reunion. Charlotte and several of her friends took a year off after graduation to backpack Europe. On their first stop Charlotte got in a fight with her boyfriend and took off on her own. Her friends assumed that she turned around and went home but she didn’t- We went to the reunion and her old friends were giving her a hard time about missing out and- and she says: ‘What do mean I missed out? Did you think I’d let a little thing like you ruin my plans?’ I- I thought it was just like Charlotte to do something like that. Whatever she wanted; she’d just go after it and heaven help anyone who got in her way.”

Dan couldn’t help but grin a little at that.

“Her parents had no idea,” Elliot continued. “She took off on her own for a year and no one even realized. You said Charlotte was like a different person during the months she forgot and I guess she was. At the same time, if there was something Charlotte decided to go after, I can see her dropping everything, even the kids, to go after it.” Elliot’s mouth twisted, “Dumping me would have been- Was nothing to her. Our marriage ended years before the attack.”

Dan returned to the precinct with a shoebox full of undeveloped rolls of film which, hopefully, would let him trace Charlotte’s movements during her missing year. _‘There might be pictures of Lucifer’s mystery father or the siblings that are probably the current threat,’_ Dan thought as he filled out a request to get the film developed. _‘Charlotte, at eighteen off the grid in Europe for a year, it fits our timeline perfectly, it should feel like we’re finally making some progress.’_

But there were finger shaped dents in the break room vending machine and ugly thoughts in his head about eighteen-year-old Charlotte alone in a foreign country with a man old enough to be Lucifer’s father. And beside his mental image of Charlotte, alone and too young, Dan could almost make out a boy, dark haired and dark eyed and about the same age as Trixie had been when he and Chloe's marriage had been disintegrating. _‘No one saved either of them.’_


	10. Not Thinking It

“We’ve got something,” Dan told Ella. “Charlotte was somewhere in Europe from May 1991 to August 1992. She called her parents every week but managed to not mention that she’d had a falling out with the group of friends she was supposed to be traveling with.”

Ella whistled, “Man she was good. I could never pull the wool over my mom’s eyes for that long.”

“She took several hundred pictures that year but she never developed the film,” Dan said. “I’m hoping there’ll be some leads in there. How are you doing, locating Lucifer’s family in Detroit?”

“Not so good,” Ella sighed. “I can’t find anything on Rae-Rae. No family name. Nothing on what she was doing in Detroit. There isn’t even a police report about her death.”

“But you remember her dying?” Dan asked. He leaned over Ella’s shoulder to look at the screens she had open then frowned in confusion, Ella seemed to be searching several years worth of accident reports.

“Weeellllll….” Ella hesitated. “Not technically?”

“Not technically?” Dan asked.

Ella sighed deeply. “I met Rae-Rae in the middle of this huge car wreck.”

“And she died in a wreck too?” Dan asked. “That’s-” All Dan could do was shake his head

“I was eight,” Ella said tightly. “My abuela was driving me home from a church thing that night. Our car, the front end went under the truck in front of us. It- she-” Ella shuddered violently.

Dan pulled her into a gentle hug, rubbing her back comfortingly. “You don’t have to talk about it,” he said.

“I kinda do,” Ella said. “The car was a mess, you know the whole jaws of life, takes hours to get the people inside free? That was me. I mean there were twelve other cars, the first responders did their best but our car was so smashed up it took a long time for anyone to even realize I was alive in there. Rae-Rae was there with me.”

“How?” Dan asked.

Ella smiled tearily and shrugged. “I don’t know, she just was. I woke up and she was there. She told me that my abuela had gone to Heaven and that I shouldn’t look at the front seat. I did, I couldn’t help it. Rae-Rae- she helped me understand that um this,” Ella gestured to her body, “It’s not really us, just a housing, it’s not us, that it wasn’t really my abuela up there, that she was somewhere else and she was okay.

“Rae-Rae told me the crash wasn’t my fault, that it didn’t have anything to do with me.” Ella stopped for a couple of minutes, “This is going to sound really stupid but I was kid and the church I grew up in was sort of fire and brimstone-y. I was a third grader, sure there was this little convenience store just a couple blocks from the school but we weren’t supposed to leave the school grounds you know. The day of the wreck, some of my friends and I snuck off to the store at lunch and I didn’t even have any money… So I stole a sandwich and an ice cream. And then the wreck that night, I thought it was because God was mad at me for stealing. So totally stupid.”

“Naw,” Dan said. “My parents did the same thing, tried to put the fear of Hell in me to keep me in line.”

“It’s a shitty thing to do,” Ella said flatly. “I just thank God Rae-Rae was there that night. She promised she’d stay with me until I was back with my family. She barely left my side the whole time I was in the hospital and even when I got better she’d still hang out with me. She was my best friend... Even if it did cause some problems.”

“Problems? How?” Dan asked.

Ella hesitated, staring at Dan with a look that had way too much fear in it for his liking. “It’s okay, whatever it is. I won’t think less of you,” Dan promised cupping Ella’s shoulders reassuringly. “Glass houses you know.”

“Mostly it was people thinking I was crazy,” Ella admitted hesitantly. “The wreck and then me talking about Rae-Rae. I spent a lot of time in therapy which was so frustrating! Because I was okay. Rae-Rae made sure I came through the wreck okay. I mean okay in my heart,” Ella modified. “But no one else ever saw Rae-Rae so no one ever believes she’s real. I -um- Well, I always sort of figured that she was one of the people who died in that wreck. But when I checked, nothing. So I thought maybe Rae-Rae had died in an earlier wreck. And I -um- sort of figured out which angel name goes with Rae-Rae, ‘cause Rae-Rae absolutely loves nicknames for her siblings and Amenadiel calls Lucifer ‘Luci’, which I think anyone not his older brother would totally get punched for. Plus about the only thing we do know about Lucifer’s family is that all his siblings have angel names. So Rae-Rae… It’s, well, Azrael.”

“You met Lucifer Morningstar’s little sister Azrael during a near death experience?” Dan asked. He shook his head, “No, no I am not considering that. I’m not. Absolutely not.”

After several moments’ hesitation Ella nodded in agreement.

* * *

The next day there was a box from inter-office mail waiting on Dan’s desk. He picked it up but hesitated to open it. The box was heavy, full of memories Charlotte hadn’t been able to throw away but hadn’t looked at either. _‘She’d been a kid, alone and in over her head with no one to help her. When things went bad she had to get herself out. She wasn’t really Amenadiel or Lucifer’s mother but… God, she could have had a kid with Lucifer’s father… She was just a kid, she only managed to herself out.’_ Dan’s hands clenched on the sides of the box as a wave of guilt swept over him. He knew it was ridiculous, Charlotte’s lost year had happened nearly two decades before he even met her. Still there were so many other things, built up over the years, and the unsubstantiated guilt of not saving Charlotte from situation he’d only learned about long after it was over nested in among his actual sins and made itself at home.

Years of turning a blind eye to cops on the take. Telling himself that it didn’t really hurt anyone and what could he do anyway? Get himself ostracized? Killed? They all needed each other and if some of his fellow officers weren’t exactly squeaky clean, well it didn’t change that fact. That was just the world he lived in. And then:

_“Danny-boy, I need a little back-up tonight.”_

_Dan frowned, “You're not working a case Graham."_

_Malcolm grinned. “Dangerous people Danny-boy, you wouldn’t let a fellow officer go with no one to watch their back? You can have a cut. You won’t even have to do anything that might bother that hoity-toity little thing you married -Nice rack on her though- All you gotta do, Danny, is shoot the bad guys if they try to hurt your brother in blue.” I_ _t all sounded so reasonable._

_Until he was standing in a hidden tunnel, gun in hand, ready to shoot if Malcolm’s meet-up went bad and Chloe was there, peering in the window._ ‘Don’t let them see her. Why the hell did she have to poke her nose in?’ _Malcolm saw her. ‘_ Stupid bastard’s going to shoot my Chloe.’ _And the gun in his hand barked. Crooked-Malcolm, the crime boss and his lieutenant, they all went down like puppets with their strings cut. And Chloe was safe. ‘_ If I come forward she’ll know why I was there. She’ll know I was with Malcolm.’ _He retreated down the tunnel, left Chloe behind, as she called for backup and tried to keep Malcolm from bleeding out._

Afterward, more guilt, months of stonewalling. Protecting Malcolm’s reputation at Chloe’s expense even after he shot the bastard for her. Protecting himself from discovery. Guilt and anger twisting in his gut every time he looked at Chloe. Late nights at the station or, more often, at the cop bar around the corner because there was nothing worse than going home to Chloe’s obsession with Palmetto, her fucking refusal to let the damn thing die! Malcolm was as good as dead, what more did she want? Knowing Chloe wanted his support, knowing he could vindicate her and doing nothing; watching, day by day, as his silence strangled the love between them.

Malcolm rising from the grave like the damned demon that he was. And Malcolm didn’t even have the courtesy of trauma-induced amnesia to obscure that night. Malcolm knew Dan had shot him. He knew Dan had hidden it. He knew he owned Dan. Malcolm made him steal a gun. Dan remembered finding his hard limits: He couldn’t stand by while Malcolm committed murder. Not those poor kids or the obnoxious street preacher or Chloe’s even more obnoxious partner. _‘The goddamn idiot! Trying to get back at Chloe for doubting him with his moronic suicide-by-cop stunt.’_ But Lucifer wasn’t guilty, it was Malcolm, Malcolm and the gun Dan had stolen for him.

Dan tried to focus on the feeling of relief when he’d finally confessed, _‘To stealing the gun. Chloe knows the whole thing but I only told the department that I stole the gun because Malcolm was threatening my family. They didn’t need a reason Malcolm would go after my family, what with Chloe’s crusade against him. All I had to do was keep quiet about what he was holding over me.’_ He tried to focus on rebuilding his friendship with Chloe after acknowledging that their marriage was beyond saving-

Being alone and lonely and talking too much when Charlotte first lent him an ear. Sitting in the courtroom a day later and listening while she used what he’d told her and her knowledge of Lucifer’s bizarre but inflexible rules about not lying to tank the case against Perry Smith. The weird itch of feeling like he should feel guilty about arranging Smith’s murder but not actually feeling it-

Dan tried to focus on Charlotte coming back, alone and lonely, just like him. Still in the middle of her breakdown but no more hidden agendas. On meeting her again after she was better and starting to build something real with her. Both of them, together, rebuilding the lives they’d shattered with their past mistakes-

Losing Charlotte. Anger burning him from the inside out, pinning it on Lucifer- Because it was easy. Because it was safe. Because Lucifer didn’t fight back. Because Lucifer was untouchable. Because it felt good to lash out with his hurt and his pain and force someone else to feel it too. Until it wasn’t enough to throw words at Lucifer when they only bounced. Until the blood he’d drawn accusing Lucifer of killing Officer Joan whetted his appetite for more. Until he saw Perry Smith in the mirror of McCaffrey lying broken in the hospital, showing him that whatever guilt Lucifer might be feeling it wasn’t enough, because he didn’t feel any guilt about what he did to Smith.

Siccing Tiernan on Lucifer. Hearing that Trixie, his Trixie, was there, in the crossfire he’d set in motion. After- after- When Lucifer was breaking, ‘ _Daniel, why do I hate myself?’_ When Lucifer was gone. Realizing that he’d been lying to himself every time he told himself his anger was for Charlotte because Charlotte never would have wanted it. And in his mind’s eye, Young-Charlotte’s hand rested protectively on the shoulder of the nebulous little boy who stood beside her.

Dan still hadn’t managed to bring himself to open the box when Maze came back from Lucifer’s regular appointment without the Devil in question. _‘I’m not worried,’_ Dan told himself and swore he heard Lucifer laughing.

“Lose someone?” Dan asked.

Maze’s mouth tightened. “He fell asleep at Linda’s. She said let him sleep.”

“Have any of you talked to him about seeing a doctor?” Dan asked.

“He’s at Linda’s,” Maze said rolling her eyes.

“A medical doctor!” Dan snapped wondering how many times he’d have to repeat that phrase.

“Lucifer going to a human sawbones? Like that’d ever happen,” Maze snorted. She shook her head and started pacing, “I get what Linda was saying about him needing to give himself time to heal but he’s getting weaker. Maybe the best thing for Lucifer would be if one of those sanctimonious pigeons came after him. That'd knock the self-pity out of him. ‘Ohhh Hell’s broken. We’re torturing innocents.’ This maudlin crap’s gonna kill him. We weren’t made to weigh souls, just to dole out punishment.”

“Would you just stop!” Dan exclaimed. “I am sick to death of this goddamn nonsense you all keep spewing! It isn’t funny anymore. Don’t you get it Maze? You think you’re dealing with things? You’re not. By not telling us what really happened you’re shielding the people who took Lucifer’s arm!”

Maze groaned, “And I thought Decker was dense. Look, I’ll tell you a secret: I can’t fight an angel and win. Even that little twerp Azrael would kick my ass if she ever got serious. If any of Lucifer’s siblings come after him, I can’t stop them.”

“What?” Dan stammered his thoughts derailed. “That’s- Maze I’ve seen you in a fight. I’d bet two month’s pay that you could take on a squad of Marines and win.”

Maze grinned, “And still, you insist on believing I’m human. Humans, no sweat. Angels are in another league. I can’t beat them, they’d go through _you_ without slowing down, only- Lucifer won’t let them go through you. He needs his ass kicked into gear. But he’s too squeamish, his sibling coming after him won’t do it but if they threaten any of his... Just thought you should know.”

“Have you noticed that someone hacked off his arm?” Dan asked, forcing himself to dismiss all the crazy Maze was spewing. “You can’t seriously think getting in a fight is going to fix him.”

Maze rolled her eyes.

“Okay,” Dan back-peddled. “If his siblings come after him. We should leap to his defense so he’s forced to defend us. Fine, whatever you say Maze. Which of his siblings are the threat? Just so I know who to watch out for?”

“It’s not like they come visiting in Hell,” Maze said. “I’ve only ever seen four angels. Amenadiel and Azrael are no threat to him. Well, now that Amenadiel’s got the stick out of his ass anyway. Uriel’s destroyed, so no point in worrying about that one. And don’t tell Lucifer that I called him an angel.”

Dan watched Maze walk away while he tried to remember how to breath. _‘Rajput volunteered Uriel’s name, Lucifer’s brother is why he’s here. Uriel came to L.A., why? To check on Amenadiel’s lack of progress? To make Lucifer go back to ‘Hell’? The most recent attempt to get Lucifer back to ‘Hell' involved kidnapping his newborn nephew, what won’t they do to control him? Lucifer’s brother came here and Lucifer fell apart. Oh my God…’_

_‘Hmm, feels just like when you realized that I was the one who crippled that cop-killer Perry Smith… No wait, Julian McCaffrey wasn’t it?’_

_‘I won’t go there again,’_ Dan growled to himself. _‘Whatever happened four years ago, there’s something wrong with Lucifer now and no one’s doing anything about it. Hell with this. If no one else is going to get that idiot to a doctor, then I have to do it.’_


	11. Not to Keep

“What a lovely coincidence,” Lucifer announced, grinning broadly when he spotted Dan’s car pulling up outside of Linda’s office. He slid into the passenger seat before Dan could even turn off the engine. “You’re right on time to give me a ride back to the precinct.” A brief scowl crossed his face. “Apparently Maze felt it appropriate to leave without me, I was just about to summon an uber.”

“Got an errand to do on the way. You don’t mind do you?” Dan said sarcastically.

Lucifer considered for a moment. “I suppose the Detective must suffer my absence a bit longer then,” he sighed. “Go where you will.”

Dan shook his head in disbelief.

Small talk between the two of them was too awkward but the resultant silence wasn’t much better.

Lucifer frowned suspiciously as he started to recognize the route Dan was driving. “Daniel, where are we going?”

“The hospital,” Dan replied. “I've been talking with your brother, turns out that you didn’t escape from a hospital because you never went to one in the first place.”

“Of course not, I’m the Devil,” Lucifer replied. Then he added, “You needn’t worry, my sister looked me over. You might have heard of her? Rafael, Healer of God.”

“Yeah, Amenadiel and Chloe mentioned that. Did you know there are currently two negligent homicide cases on the docks because the parents made the choice to practice Faith Healing for their kids- until they died,” Dan said. “Chloe’s not thinking straight and you have an interesting relationship with reality on a good day but too many people I care about were hurting when you left so I’m taking you to a hospital, a real doctor.”

“I will not,” Lucifer informed Dan.

Dan nodded but kept driving toward the hospital.

Lucifer studied Dan pensively as they pulled into the parking lot. He remained seated when Dan turned off the engine and stepped out of the car. Dan walked around to the passenger side and unceremoniously hauled the self-proclaimed devil out of the car. “You need to see a doctor.”

“Why are you doing this?” Lucifer asked. “Why do you care?”

“I told you: People I care about hurt when you’re gone,” Dan said, his gaze skating away from Lucifer’s.

Lucifer’s breath caught. For a moment something like horror flashed across his face. “You feel guilty,” he accused.

The next thing Dan knew he was being slammed against the van he’d parked beside hard enough to dent the side paneling. Most of the precinct had witnessed, and dismissed, the impossible inhuman strength hidden by Lucifer’s lean frame but having it suddenly turned on him was shocking. It crossed Dan’s mind that he’d seen Lucifer casually shove a man with fifty pounds on him fifteen feet, through a plate glass window and Dan had been punched by Lucifer with barely a bruise to show for it - Obviously Lucifer had been holding back.

“Delilah, now you! I won’t tolerate it, Daniel!” Lucifer hissed. “I don’t keep people I like!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dan sputtered, shoving futilely at the iron bar posing as Lucifer’s hand pinning him to the side of the van.

“Hell is exactly what I’m talking about,” Lucifer said. “STOP FEELING GUILTY, IMMEDIATELY! No that’s not going to work. Dr. Linda! You don’t mind if I borrow your auto do you Daniel?”

Whether he did or didn’t ended up not mattering as Dan found himself watching his car drive away without him long before he’d processed anything Lucifer had said.

* * *

Chloe pulled up to the curb outside of the hospital and unlocked the door so Dan could climb in. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Maze is going to drop Charlie off with Linda then she’ll track Lucifer and your car down-“

“Bet me a milkshake that Maze scores two for one and finds Lucifer at Linda’s,” Dan said.

Chloe turned to blink at him. “You’re taking this remarkably well. I mean- What were you thinking, trying to drag Lucifer to a hospital? What were you going to do when he refused treatment?”

Dan shrugged, “Get him to explain how he doesn’t need medical treatment because he’s the Devil and immortal. I figured I could flash my badge and push a tox screen and physical assessment through before he convinced anyone that he was competent to decline medical treatment.”

“Dan! That’s- You can’t-“ Chloe sputtered.

“Because Lucifer’s not actually human?” Dan asked.

Chloe gave him a stunned look.

“Our Lucifer being the actual Devil? I can’t wrap my head around it,” Dan said, shaking his head. “Lucifer is nothing like what church taught me the Devil was supposed to be back when my parents were dragging me to Sunday School. But Lucifer not being human? Oh yeah, I can totally see that. Or is that just my pride talking because a guy who looks bad enough that I was ready to literally, physically drag him into the ER casually manhandled me?”

“I’ve seen him stop a car by grabbing the bumper and a lamppost,” Chloe said. “And- I had a blood sample, after Malcolm shot him. Amenadiel concocted this ridiculous story about body armor and blood packs to convince me not to test it. I never bought his story but I didn’t test the blood either even though Lucifer wanted me to.” She sighed, “Sometimes I wonder how much heartache I could have spared myself if I’d just done it... You’re really not going to blow a fuse over Lucifer stealing your car and leaving you stranded when you were just trying to look out for him?”

“Guess I'm too distracted to be mad,” Dan said. He frowned, troubled. “Has Lucifer ever suggested that he believes guilt is what condemns a person to Hell?”

“Yeah, that’s how he says it works,” Chloe replied slowly.

“So- Well, he got it in his head that I was going to go to Hell and freaked out.” Malcolm, less shooting him than lying about Malcolm and the things he did to maintain those lies. Perry Smith - _'I really should feel guilty about Perry Smith'_. Tiernan, what almost certainly would have happened had Lucifer been human. Dan couldn’t imagine NOT feeling guilty given the things he’d done. “I could do without being slammed into vehicles or left watching my own taillights driving off but no, I’m not mad at him... Chloe, have you ever really thought about it? What it means that Lucifer thinks he’s the Devil?”

Chloe stole a worried glance at Dan. “I ran away to Rome for a month when I finally, really believed him.”

“Believed that he’s not human,” Dan interjected. 

“It didn’t help. All they had to offer was circumstantial and second hand information,” Chloe continued. “It just confused the issue, confused me. You’ve got to remember: Lucifer doesn’t lie. The important thing is that he’s the same person he always was. It's just that _you_ know more.”

Dan shook his head, “No. Come on, I know that. Whatever he is, Lucifer’s not the biblical Devil. What I meant was... No one wants someone they care about to end up in Hell, not even our self-proclaimed Devil. Lucifer said he doesn’t ‘keep’ the people he likes. No wonder he’s always running away. As soon as he decides he likes you, his endgame is to lose you.”

“What!?” Chloe hit the breaks and Dan grimaced as the seat belt cut into his shoulder.

“Well, think about it,” he said. “Lucifer makes friends with people like you and Ella and violently loathes people like Julian McCaffery but if he actually were the Devil who would he end up with? Forever? It would actually make some sense if he _did_ go around tempting people, just to have someone in Hell with him that he could stand, but he doesn’t.”

“The last thing Lucifer wants is to see anyone he cares about condemned to Hell,” Chloe said, her knuckles going white on the steering wheel. Under her breath she muttered, “And the only sibling who ever came to see him only did so to keep him there. Sure there were the demons but Lucifer, and Maze, only figured out that she had real feelings a few years ago, what kind of relationship is that? They isolated him! Those self-righteous assholes, they punished him for wanting a choice by locking him up for all eternity with people who abused having them.”


	12. Setting the Record Straight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neither Carlisle nor Lucifer's Hell-Loops were factually accurate representations of what happened, so I'm going to assume that Reece's Hell-Loop is also not exactly what happened in life.

As Dan had expected Maze called to let them know that she had Dan’s car and that Lucifer was talking to Linda. “Can you drop it by my apartment?” Dan asked. He glanced at Chloe, including her in the discussion. “I’m thinking about taking the rest of the day off. I need to sort some stuff out.”

“Can I use it to cart Charlie around?” Maze asked. “It’s slightly less shitty than Amenadiel’s and Linda says Charlie’ll never be old enough to ride my motorcycle if she has anything to say about it.”

“Knock yourself out,” Dan said. Then he turned to Chloe. “Drop me at my place?”

Chloe nodded. “You want me to stay? So you can ask questions? Or Linda knows, except- Well, she should probably sort out Lucifer before he gets ideas.”

Dan snorted, “If his normal 'ideas' are with Linda’s screening, I’d hate to see what he comes up with on his own.”

Chloe grinned weakly. “Amenadiel knows, obviously.”

“He’s not human either,” Dan realized. “What about Maze?”

“Nope,” Chloe said.

“Linda?”

“She’s human,” Chloe confirmed.

“Oh thank God, someone’s human!” Dan exclaimed. “But- Charlie is really Amenadiel’s? I mean, that works? Half-human is a thing?”

“There were some circumstances,” Chloe said vaguely. “With Amenadiel, not Linda. Charlie was a huge surprise, no one thought it was possible.”

“Given how thoroughly Lucifer’s tested that theory out I’m not surprised,” Dan said. “So, um, not completely different? Stronger than us. Lucifer’s weird desire mojo- No, Amenadiel said he couldn’t do that. How different?”

Chloe hesitated then said, “Remember Lucifer’s stolen wings?”

“Oh God, those scars. Not cosplay wings?” Dan stammered.

Chloe shook her head. “His severed wings.”

“Fuck. That’s-” Dan felt his stomach twist. “He -they- cut them off to blend in?”

"Not so much," Chloe said uncomfortably. "They can um, retract their wings. If Ella knew she'd totally want to science the Hell out of that trick."

"So Lucifer's wings..." Dan trailed off uncertainly.

"He cut them off, it's messed up with his Dad Issues. That's probably more than I should tell you about that," Chloe said as she pulled up outside of Dan’s apartment building. “Do you want me to stay?” she asked.

“Charlotte! How the Hell is Charlotte their step-mother?” Dan exclaimed then shook his head. “Sorry, stupid question. Same way as if they were human: She married their father. I- Thanks for offering Chloe but- My mind’s blown enough as it is. I should- I’ll, I’m sure I’ll have questions. Just- just let figure out what I actually care about.”

“Of course,” Chloe said. She took a deep breath, her forehead creased with worry, “Just, don’t do anything- um, crazy without talking to Linda or I okay?”

“Like running off to Rome for a month?” Dan asked.

Chloe flinched and Dan immediately felt guilty. “Yeah, that. Don't do that,” she said. “I’ll tell Lucifer, Amenadiel and Maze to give you space if you need it. Or, um, if you need Trixie to not be around them while you sort things out.”

Dan shook his head, “Naw, Trix’d kill me.”

He headed inside and pulled out his file on Lucifer, spreading out the pictures he’d collected and tried to fit his head around the idea that they weren’t human. _‘Did they come in spaceships? Wonder how wings work in a spaceship. They’d have to be massive to lift a person, like a hang-glider. Or maybe…’_ A picture of Amenadiel with tiny cupid wings popped into his head and Dan snickered. _‘And Lucifer’s the Devil right? So he should have black wings… Or peacock-blue, that’d fit with the designer suits and the manicured stubble._

_‘On second thought-’_ Dan remembered Amenadiel’s frequent moments of serenity and… _‘Maybe I can see someone mistaking him for an angel.’_ He found himself thinking about Ella babbling about the missing feathers from the Loft where Pierce had staged his ambush and how that might possibly tie to the feather that had been found near Charlotte’s body and- Dan found himself gasping for air. Thoughts coming too fast, too wildly- _‘Spaceships, advanced tech. Alien abduction. Silver City- Heaven, Charlotte. He wouldn’t have let Charlotte die! Not if he could stop it. Neither of them.’_ Dan fumbled for his phone, sending files flying. His hands were shaking as he pulled up Amenadiel’s number.

“Daniel, how are you?” Amenadiel asked.

“Charlotte,” Dan blurted out. “When you came back. Did you say Heaven or the Silver City?”

“I don’t- Are you alright Dan? What are you talking about?”

“You were with Charlotte when she got shot. Then you left, you didn’t even give a statement. You went home to your Silver City and when you came back you told me- Did you take Charlotte? Is she there? Can I see her again? I don’t care if I have to join your crazy cult or whatever. I just want to see her again. I miss her so much.”

“Daniel!” Amenadiel’s voice raised in alarm. “You’ll see Charlotte again but this isn’t the way. Think about Trixie!”

“I- Yeah, you’re right,” Dan collapsed onto his couch. “I could never abandon Trixie. I just- I miss her all the time.”

Dan startled at the sound of knocking on his door.

“Please, open the door,” Amenadiel said.

Slowly Dan got up and walked to the door still holding his phone to his ear. Amenadiel was standing on the other side, he smiled with relief and hung up his phone. “You scared me,” he said.

“How?” Dan asked.

“I was in the neighborhood?” Amenadiel offered.

“Yeah right,” Dan replied stepping back so Amenadiel could come in.

“What happened?” Amenadiel asked.

Dan shook his head. He walked back over to the couch and sank down on it. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “I tried to drag Lucifer to a hospital, he freaked out and Chloe explained. You guys really aren’t human?”

Cautiously Amenadiel shook his head. “What were you thinking?”

“I guess I got a little crazy, I just- Did you rescue Charlotte?”

“Daniel, you know what happened: She saved me,” Amenadiel said.

“But I thought maybe… You could… I don’t know.” Dan rubbed his temples, “I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess- I just wanted it and suddenly my world’s so strange and… Maybe… Anything seemed possible- Wait! Amenadiel, you thought I was going to _kill_ myself?”

“You were asking me to take you to Charlotte,” Amenadiel said with a frown.

“For a moment, I let myself think- But Charlotte’s gone,” Dan said wearily.

“You’ll see her again someday, when it’s time,” Amenadiel stressed. Then he smiled warmly and wrapped an arm around Dan’s shoulders. “I have faith in you.”

Dan reiterated several more times that he wasn’t suicidal but Amenadiel insisted on staying the night and Dan woke up to a message from Linda asking him to come in first thing… A half hour before she was normally in her office. “Really, it was just a misunderstanding,” Dan said as he opened the door then did a double take when he found Lucifer sitting behind Linda’s desk.

“Don’t worry Daniel, Dr. Linda agrees with me that it is past time I told you a few things. I made clear to her that I wished to do this myself but she’ll be in at her normal time and I’ve made sure the rest of her morning is clear to… Deal with the aftermath.”

“Is this about the other day?” Dan asked.

Lucifer nodded. “You still feel guilty, about how you reacted to me after Charlotte’s death,” he said, his tone stilted and awkward. Lucifer smiled weakly, “I think, one way or another, what I have to show you should clear up your guilt quite nicely.”

Dan took a deep breath, “Lucifer, you’re not the only one who needs to come clean. You were right when you told me it wasn’t your fault Charlotte died.”

“I know that,” Lucifer said. “You had reverted to being a douche. It was annoying, nothing for you to torment yourself over. But you have to understand-”

“No,” Dan interrupted. “I- I wasn’t going to tell you this. Told myself -told Dr. Martin- that it was old news and I didn’t need to burden you with it when you were dealing with-” Dan’s eyes strayed to Lucifer’s empty sleeve. Then he steeled himself, “But Linda doesn’t know what I did. Not really. If she did…”

“Daniel, this is _important_. You have to listen to me,” Lucifer insisted.

“I gave Perry Smith to the Russian Mob,” Dan said flatly. “I couldn’t stand that he was going to get away with what he did to Chloe’s family because of me.”

Lucifer blinked at him uncomprehendingly. “That’s good?” he asked.

Dan licked his lips, “Julian McCaffrey was scum. He was a human trafficker and cop killer. He deserved everything you did to him and more. And I’m the last person who has any right to judge you. The only difference between what you did to McCaffrey and what I did to Smith was you did it yourself and you left him breathing.”

“I doubt he’d thank me for that,” Lucifer said, his eyes glinting with something that wasn’t really remorse.

“I set Tiernan on you. I nearly got my own daughter killed with my hypocrisy,” Dan confessed in a rush. “So if I feel guilty it’s for a damn good reason. If I’m going to Hell for it, it’s ‘cause I deserve it. You don’t have to try to save me.”

“Your spawn and Eve were unharmed, you didn’t mean for either of them to be caught in the middle. And, Daniel, you can’t harm me, I’m the Devil.”

“My actions put Trixie, all of you, in danger. You and Eve kept her safe. I will always owe you for that but it only makes what I did worse,” Dan tried to explain.

“You know that and you try to be better, the same as you did after Malcolm framed me. That’s why you don’t deserve Hell, Daniel,” Lucifer stated with stubborn conviction. “Hell is for the likes of Malcolm Graham and Perry Smith, those who would do anything to escape suffering the consequences of their actions. The likes of Julian McCaffrey, Jason Carlisle and Cain, who spend the whole of their existence justifying and denying responsibility for the evils they committed. Daniel, you are _not_ like them.”

“I keep making the same mistakes-“ Dan began.

“I need to make you understand. So shut up and listen,” Lucifer commanded, enough Hellfire crept into his voice to freeze Dan in his tracks.

Seeing the effect he’d had, Lucifer deliberately lightened his voice. “There is something I’m trying to tell you. Now, I believe the desk should be between us but I am uncertain who should be on which side. I have no wish for you to feel trapped however, if this goes poorly Dr. Linda would be a most excellent resource. In other words: You should stay, I should go. Which suggests that it would be better if I were at the door… So I don’t have to close the distance between us in order to leave.”

Dan shook himself, “Man, even given it’s you, you’re being weird.” He dropped into Linda’s chair. “Stop trying to get me wound up-”

“Perhaps you are right Daniel. Let’s get on with it,” Lucifer said nervously. “I have told you, many times before, that I do not lie. However, it is important that I make you believe me when I say that I am the Devil.”

“I got it, you’re not human-” Dan began.

Lucifer shrugged his shoulders and, with a grimace of pain, a pair of massive white wings materialized behind him practically filling the office.

“... The fuck?” Dan swore. He couldn’t tear his eyes off the faintly luminescent wings, there was something about them that went beyond simply ‘not human’. He shook his head. “Not possible. Not real.”

“I thought this would be less traumatic,” Lucifer huffed. “But no one ever questions whether or not my Devil-face is real.” Speaking made his wings flutter and he winced then glanced over his shoulder. “I suppose they’re a bit less obviously divine than they normally are.”

“They’re broken,” Dan said slowly, tears welling up in his eyes as his brain slowly registered the sharp, unnatural, bend in what would have been the left ‘forearm’ on a bird, the angry swelling around the break. There were three crusted puncture wounds on each wing.

“Well, my ability to heal seems a bit bollixed up at the moment,” Lucifer admitted. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention that to anyone. Raffie is less mother hen than mother dragon.” He rolled his shoulders again and after a brief catch the wings vanished back into the ether. “So you do understand that I am the Devil? And that Heaven and Hell are quite real?”

“How could anyone break something so beautiful?” Dan said unable to tear his eyes from the spot where the wings had been.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. He grabbed one of Linda’s candies off her desk and flicked it, hitting Dan square in the forehead.

“What the fuck, dude?” Dan snapped, rubbing his forehead.

“Much better,” Lucifer said. “So, if you’re functional again, do you believe me?”

The awe and sorrow inspired by Lucifer’s broken wings swelled in Dan’s chest again but he shook it off, “Why me?” Dan asked. “Why not Chloe, she’s the one…”

“The Detective is already well aware,” Lucifer assured him. “But I need you to understand: I don’t want you in Hell. You don’t belong there.”

Dan shook his head, rejecting what Lucifer was saying.

“Is there anyone more qualified to say that?” Lucifer demanded helplessly, knowing very well that that wasn’t how the system worked. That, ultimately, it was Dan who would decide, not the Devil or even God himself.

Dan’s chin raised stubbornly.

“Do you remember Reese Getty?” Lucifer asked.

Dan frowned in confusion, “That reporter who shadowed you and Chloe during the Kavitsky case? Died in a car wreck right before you caught the guy right?”

“Not precisely,” Lucifer said. A bite entered his voice, “Reece and I had a _talk_ , immediately after the lovely Melissa died in my club. Reece was distraught when he left me. I should have paid more attention, it was only luck that he wrapped his car around a highway divider rather than another vehicle. However, when all was said and done, Reece was dead. We had the information which led us to Kavitsky...”

“And Kavitsky confessed to all of the murders, all except for the girl at your club,” Dan remembered. His eyes widened.

Lucifer nodded. “Reece thought he could use his inside knowledge of our case to kill me and blame it on Kavitsky. When he screwed up and killed an innocent girl he blamed ME for his own carelessness… _‘The Devil made me do it’_ ,” he spat. “Later that night, Reece killed himself with his own lousy driving. I’d suggested that he confess his sins but it seems he decided to make his confession to Dr. Linda rather than the police who were still downstairs when he fled my company.” Lucifer shrugged, “As he was dead I saw no need to trouble Chloe or Dr. Linda with the exact- with any of the details of what he’d been up to.”

“Because you thought they might have blamed you?” Dan asked, accused.

“I was careless, allowing Reece to see my Devil-face,” Lucifer admitted. “Although it was hardly my fault that he was so irrationally upset about Dr. Linda. They were separated when I was having sex with her after all. Even if they had not been he never owed her. And it most certainly was NOT my fault that he put his poison in the wrong glass-” Lucifer broke off his rant sharply, “He has much to feel guilty for and yet… I visited him after I was forced to return to Hell.”

Dan paled at Lucifer’s blunt declaration.

“I don’t generally, haven’t in… Well, time in Hell isn’t quite the same but pyramids were all the rage when I stopped making an effort to greet my subjects personally.

“At first, when I realized what Dad had done, I decided I wasn’t having any of it. He could kick me out, shatter my wings and abandon me in Hell but He couldn’t force me to follow His plan. He could send me souls to punish and I’d throw them a party.” Lucifer’s expression turned hollow and haunted. “I asked, over and over, _‘What do you desire?’_ I was so naive. Here, I get surprised sometimes, innocuous or even lovely desires spill out of you under the influence of my ‘gift’ but in Hell- There was a reason the false Sinnerman put out his eyes rather than gaze into mine. In Hell when I ask the answer is never trivial, never pretty. In Hell your desires are the keys to your sins, the keys to breaking you. They tell me they desire to suffer for their guilt or they tell me desires so sickening in their lack of repentance that I cannot but fulfill my ordained role and MAKE them suffer for ways they’ve abused the free will my Father gifted them with.” Lucifer sighed, “And yet, whether they attempt to escape punishment, try to deny or justify their actions… Or even if they accept Hell as their due it makes no difference Daniel. In Hell there is no trying to do better, no amends that can be made. There is no redemption to be earned by suffering in Hell. There is only suffering, like a snare pulling tighter and tighter as you struggle to escape.”

“Yeah,” Dan said quietly remembering Palmetto, months spent knowing he should come clean but just burying himself deeper and deeper in lies, destroying his marriage, until he was stealing a gun from evidence for Malcolm to commit murder with.

“Or twining through your soul like an addiction if you submit to it,” Lucifer added quietly. “Reece though, he’s fascinating. He’s not trying to escape, he doesn’t expect that experiencing pain and suffering will wash away the pain and suffering he caused. He’s changed events so that he faces his obsessiveness with regards to Linda and attempts to make amends by leading the police to Kavitsky. He is trying to do right. The last time I visited his loop Reece had begun to skirt the realization that it was him and not me who was to blame for Melissa’s death… Although he’s constructed a bizarre fantasy where he tracks down Kavitsky and manipulates him into going to Lux to attempt kill me rather than facing that it was Reece himself who poisoned the wrong glass. It didn’t show in life but it stands to reason that Reece couldn’t have been married to Dr. Linda without absorbing some fraction of her insight. He’s combined that with what I told him of Hell and is gradually unraveling the chains that bind him. I only spoke of Hell to terrorize him. It’s impressive, even Cain with all his millennia of life to work out a strategy to- to game the system isn’t doing so well.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Dan repeated.

“Daniel, I want you to understand that it’s guilt that drives you down,” Lucifer told him sincerely. “Guilt that holds you prisoner. The doors aren’t locked but only you can resolve your guilt. Charlotte had the right of it- Although it is much easier to atone for your misdeeds if you get on with it while you’re still alive, while you can still make real changes. She was a bit of a special case, what with being brought back to life after a stint in Hell. But still utterly remarkable, she succeeded in changing both herself and her fate where Malcolm only gave thought to how he could cheat the system and added, exponentially, to the sins that had damned his soul in the first place. I don’t want you in my realm Daniel. Deal with your past, your regrets, realize that Hell does not allow lies and NEVER stop trying to be better… Not even if you die.”

“You’re going back?” Dan glanced toward Lucifer’s empty sleeve. “Even after…”

“That’s what you ask?” Lucifer exclaimed. “Daniel, do you even _believe_ me?”

“I’m trying not to,” Dan admitted. “Some sort of special effects hologram or aliens. You being an alien who thinks he’s the Devil would be preferable and I was pretty much convinced of it before the...” Dan gestured vaguely to the space Lucifer’s wings had occupied.

“I am not E.T.,” Lucifer scoffed.

“MCU!Loki?” Dan offered. “Sometimes confused with a god but really an alien, who happens to have shit load of dysfunctional family drama plaguing him?”

“Don’t force me to show you my Devil face,” Lucifer threatened. “As to your question: My siblings did not yank me out of Hell due to fraternal affection. Either I will heal and go back or they will lose patience with my malingering and force me back. All they truly need do is leave their posts, I won’t risk another demon incursion on this plane.”

“Dude, your family knows you can’t just grow back an arm... Right?” Dan asked.

Lucifer laughed bitterly, “My dear Daniel, years ago you saw the scars left from cutting off my wings and now you’ve seen my wings. I assure you, I can indeed grow back a limb or two, providing I can achieve the proper state of mind. However, knowing is NOT half the battle. It is apparently much easier for me to convince myself that my Father is forcing unwanted limbs on me than to address why I… seem to feel less than whole at the moment.”

“Um- yeah,” Dan stammered uncomfortably. “And well- About the other thing. I feel like I should say ‘Thanks for the warning’ but honestly I’m feeling more like ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence’.”

“I do worry for you Daniel,” the Devil replied with a broad smirk.


	13. Amazingly Not Catatonic

Linda poked her head in the door, “Dan, you’re here. Sitting and talking and not even a little catatonic. That is incredible.”

“He has proved amazingly resilient to divine influence before,” Lucifer said. He stepped forward as if to give Dan a congratulatory pat on the shoulder then thought better of it.

“Lucifer, we need to talk. Out in the hall,” Linda told the Devil sternly. He sighed and followed her, shutting the door behind him.

Dan thought for a second then quietly cracked the door open a hair so he could eavesdrop.

“Lucifer, I told you we needed to make a plan,” Linda hissed.

“And I did,” Lucifer replied. “I told him, you’re on hand to fix him… Turned out to be completely unnecessary. Daniel is occasionally quite surprising.”

“You stole my phone and used it to ambush him!” Linda accused.

“Forgot to erase the text log, did I?”

There was a faint thud and Dan figured it was Linda banging her head against the wall. “At least pretend to be remorseful,” she suggested.

“Why? It worked brilliantly.”

Linda sighed. “Amenadiel needs his car back. I’ll talk to Dan and make sure he’s really okay… And not plotting an exorcism or anything.”

“If you think it best,” Lucifer said deferentially.

“You say that now but where was that sentiment last night when you were stealing my phone?” Linda demanded.

Dan eased the door shut again and sat back on the couch before he could get caught.

Linda came back in a moment later. “So how are you feeling?” she asked brightly.

“He’s not really the Devil right? He’s some sort of alien who just thinks he’s the Devil,” Dan said.

“Pretty sure he’s not,” Linda replied.

“No it makes sense,” Dan insisted.

“Denial is a stage,” Linda muttered to herself. “Everyone’s favorite stage.”

“I’m not sure what Amenadiel told you about last night,” Dan started. “I just, for a moment, let myself think that maybe Charlotte wasn’t really gone. I wasn't actually thinking about killing myself, honest.”

Linda’s jaw dropped, “If I missed _that_ call because Lucifer stole my phone I’m going to ask Maze to torture him for me.”

“That there,” Dan broke in. “If you believed he was the Devil you’d be more scared. You wouldn’t scold or- Or threaten him with Maze! -Who is definitely not an actual demon.”

“Dan, he’s still Lucifer: exasperating, infuriating… caring,” Linda said. “The thought of harming someone who isn’t completely loathsome is appalling to him. Why would I ever be afraid? I mean... Once I’d gotten past the absolutely irrational terror of seeing his Devil face. And may I repeat how amazingly not-catatonic you are?”

Dan frowned, “What’s with the Devil face thing?”

“Oh,” Linda’s eyes opened wide. “He showed you his _wings_. Given how completely he’s dissociated himself from his identity as an angel I’m surprised he’d even be capable of considering that option without someone else insisting on it. That’s actually a very good sign-” She broke off with a sharp, in-drawn breath. “Sorry, that wasn’t professional of me. But, as we’ve discussed, it’s very hard to discuss Lucifer with someone who doesn’t know him and the pool only gets smaller if you need to talk to someone who knows he’s much more inclined to literal truths rather than metaphorical ones.”

“What the hell is a ‘Devil face’?” Dan asked again.

Linda frowned thoughtfully, “Well, forewarned might stave off the worst of the response. Lucifer has a degree of conscious control over his appearance- As well as an unimaginable degree of unconscious control over his physical state. - The appearance you’re familiar with is Lucifer consciously assuming a mimicry of his appearance before he Fell. Normally, he can drop that appearance at will, appearing as he did after Falling... It's probably impossible to tell to what degree he healed or didn't heal. With angels, Lucifer in particular, because as far as I know none of his sibling ever suffered such severe injuries or so much rejection from their family. With Lucifer it's basically impossible to differentiate physical scaring from mental scaring.”

“Okay?” Dan said slowly.

Linda signed. “His Devil face- Well, Lucifer can choose to look like he survived being thrown into a lake of burning sulfur. It’s not just how he looks either, from personal experience I can tell you that there is an element of unreasoning terror that comes along with seeing it, I was an atheist but after I saw I absolutely _knew_ that he was Devil and in light of that, there are certain things I'd done- Well, really that's not your worry, except discussing that sort of thing with Lucifer is NOT a bad idea at all. To make a long story short, any suspects who end up gibbering in terror after a ‘talk’ with Lucifer were probably shown that face. Dan, you’re sure you think that he could be… other than what he claims… after seeing his wings? Really?”

“That actually happened?” Dan asked, sounding appalled. “His dad, God, who is his _actual father_ , really threw him in a burning lake of sulfur?”

Linda chewed on her lower lip for a moment. “There- may be a disconnect between what Lucifer remembers happening and what actually happened,” she said hesitantly. “He’s not lying, he doesn’t lie. But Lucifer was severely injured. He remembers his Father as being responsible for those injuries. Due to the severity of the trauma and the, frankly unimaginable, timescale that we’re talking about here Lucifer’s memories might be more influenced by the Bible than by what actually occurred. It's like you may ‘remember’ events from your early childhood that you frequently heard described as you grew-up.” Linda sighed, “I’m beginning to suspect that most of the things I would want to criticize his Father for are _inactions_ rather than actions, which… Fits with humanity’s experience doesn’t it? Don’t we normally ask why God would allow something to happen rather than asking why he would do such a thing?”

“But it’s not God, it’s Lucifer’s father,” Dan interjected.

“And seriously, you can doubt that Lucifer is who he claims to be after seeing his wings?” Linda asked. “I couldn’t after seeing his face.”

“I don’t just _believe_ he’s not the Devil, I can _prove_ it,” Dan declared suddenly remembering the box of Charlotte’s pictures waiting back at the station.

“What?!” Linda exclaimed.

“I’ll show you!” Dan exclaimed leaping up and running out.

“It’s catching,” Linda muttered as the door slammed behind him.

* * *

Dan didn’t give in to the temptation to turn on the lights and sirens but it was a near thing. Jogging down the stairs into the bullpen he had a moment’s irrational terror that the box would have vanished into the ether along with all the other evidence that Lucifer had existed before popping up in L.A. claiming to be the Devil but the box was right where he’d left it. _‘All those rolls of film, we’re talking five hundred pictures easy,’_ Dan thought. _‘Of course there’ll be pictures of Charlotte's stepsons.’_

The dark haired boy standing beside the young Charlotte in Dan's mental image had wings now, broken wings. His stomach roiled as he remembered the way Lucifer’s right wing had looked, the grotesques bend in the limb and the threat of the bone piercing through the flesh at any moment. _‘Does Amenadiel know his brother’s running around with a damned broken wing?’_ Dan wondered reaching for his phone.

 _“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone,”_ Lucifer had said and Dan pulled his hand back as if burned. A slightly hysterical laugh escaped him. “Am I really going to _tattle_ on the Devil?”

 _‘Not the Devil; pudding-stealing asshole, delusional alien, Chloe’s partner.’_ Dan’s shoulders relaxed and he reached for his phone again. _‘Besides, the bastard told me to. Told me the way to stay out of Hell was to deal with my guilt. Can’t do that while turning a blind eye to how much he’s hurting. Annoying idiot can’t be trusted to take care of himself. Probably thinks a compound fracture’ll just go away if he ignores it long enough.’_ Dan pulled up Amenadiel’s number as he headed for one of the conference rooms to get a little privacy.

“Daniel, where are you?” Amenadiel demanded worriedly. “Linda told me you ran out of her session. That Lucifer told you.”

Dan took a deep breath, “I’m not a doctor or anything,” he said. “But then I don’t have to be when it’s that bad. Get your brother to whatever passes for a doctor with you guys and get a fucking split on his wing before it heals crooked. I’ve had to rebreak a leg that got set wrong and I don’t wish that on anyone.”

There was a long moment of stunned silence on the other end of the line then Amenadiel tentatively asked, “Not even the Devil?”

“Cut the shit Amenadiel, I am sick of it!” Dan exclaimed. “Your brother isn’t the Devil. Your dad isn’t God.”

“How can you say that? You’ve seen proof of divinity, how can you doubt God’s existence?” Amenadiel demanded.

“I saw his _wings_ ,” Dan said firmly. “And you know what? If your brother Lucifer is _the Lucifer_ then there’s no such thing as the Devil. If you want me to believe that he’s the Devil, then not only do I NOT believe in the Devil, I don’t believe that there’s a God either-”

“Daniel-” Amenadiel protested.

“Because God isn’t supposed to be a shitty parent!” Dan shouted. “The Devil might have a reputation for being a deceiver and I’m thoroughly unimpressed by Lucifer’s ‘not lying’ shtick but your monthly freak-outs about how you’re afraid of screwing up Charlie pretty much confirms that your parents suck.”

“No, Dan I love my Father,” Amenadiel protested. “I just-“

“Don’t want to make the same mistakes with your kid?” Dan asked pointedly.

“I don’t want to screw up with Charlie the way I did with Lucifer,” Amenadiel corrected sadly. “It wasn’t Father, it was me.”

“Dude, why were you raising your younger brother in the first place?” Dan asked.

“I- I- We were afraid of where Lucifer’s questions would lead,” Amenadiel stammered. “We- I- I was the oldest. I had to protect the others. We all felt the Silver City tremble with Father’s anger. Lucifer couldn’t be allowed to carry on-“

“Making your father angry?” Dan asked. “The thought of your father’s anger frightens you?”

“The rebellion, there was going to be fighting among us. Maybe Luci thought to force Father to step in but he was always reckless.”

“Amenadiel,” Dan said quietly, “You’re afraid of your father. I would never want Trixie to be afraid of me and I don’t think you want that for Charlie either.”

“I was the oldest, I had to do something about Lucifer,” Amenadiel insisted. “It was my mistake.”

“Could you please give me a straight answer for once?” Dan pled. “What happened? Tell me the story: What happened to your family? What did Lucifer do? What did your father do? What did _you_ do? Just tell me, please. I _need_ facts.”

Dan was about to give up hope when Amenadiel finally broke his silence. “The existence you know is very different from what Lucifer and I experienced,” he said hesitantly. “We were created with a Purpose in mind. When I learned about how you lived: Left to your own devices to determine what gave your life meaning, it- To tell the truth, the uncertainty you live in was horrifying to me.”

“Your father gave you your purpose?” Dan asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral.

“We were created to serve a purpose,” Amenadiel said. “We all knew, right from the beginning, that Father had a grand design and we all had a role in it.”

“Then you and Lucifer learned of another way to live. And it didn’t immediately appeal to you but Lucifer…” Dan trailed off leadingly.

“Lucifer- No, Samael. Samael snuck into Father's workshop and discovered your existence,” Amenadiel said. “And he became obsessed with you. Father was furious with him but he wouldn’t quit talking about it, about free will. Asking why we couldn’t be like that- But then Sam loathed his purpose from the moment he was informed of it.”

“Which was?” Dan asked.

“You know that,” Amenadiel said gently, “Samael- _Lucifer_ was the one charged with punishing those who abused Father’s gifts.”

“The Devil,” Dan said. “Not the tempter but the punisher.” 

“Yes, I- I realize it was a hard thing to ask of him but it was necessary,” Amenadiel’s voice was pleading, “You understand that don’t you? It’s not so different from what you do as a police officer. Lucifer didn’t think he’d like it but he does, he wouldn’t have become Chloe’s partner if dispensing your mortal justice didn’t fill a need in him created by leaving his post. But that’s now. Back then when Samael was told what his responsibility was to be he rejected it, rejected his very _name_. Father had given him a Purpose but, no, Lucifer thought he knew better. Then he started insisting that we _all_ should determine our own purposes, like humans.”

Amenadiel sighed deeply. “Over time, Father has become more reticent and I’ve had to work out what His will was myself- Both for myself and my siblings. Uriel, with his Gift, saw things I could not but I am the eldest. I- Dan, I wish Father would just tell me what to do again. I’ve made terrible mistakes, just as I feared when Lucifer first started talking about your ways. I’m doing my best, getting better at living without certainty. But I still cannot understand- Why would _anyone_ want this?”

“Free to make our own mistakes? Yeah, I’ve made enough to get you,” Dan said quietly. “But… I can’t imagine mindlessly accepting someone else’s definition of ‘right’ either.”

“You are amazingly stubborn, Daniel,” Amenadiel said. “Even after seeing Lucifer’s wings you still refuse to understand that our Father is the One God.”

“I can’t believe that,” Dan said forcefully. “Lucifer was created to punish people who abuse free will? Seriously? He doesn’t even understand what punishment is about, not really. Do you have any idea of how many times he’s undermined Chloe disciplining Trixie? He doesn’t understand corrective punishment at all.” And suddenly, Dan realized that he was angry, acutely furious. “Which makes sense doesn’t it?” He accused. “All of Lucifer’s experience with getting punished has been about getting beaten down. About forced compliance. About being the victim of someone’s need for revenge. He never got a second chance, never got _corrected_. For God’s sake, the hell he describes isn’t even retributive! Retributive justice is supposed to be proportionate to the crime but the hell your father abandoned Lucifer to is nothing more than endless suffering. It doesn’t matter what you’re guilty of, there’s no way to ever come even. That’s not justice, it’s just suffering for the sake of suffering. No wonder he thinks he has to protect me from it even though I’ve nearly gotten him killed more than once. But who's ever tried to protect Lucifer from Hell?”

“We are trying,” Amenadiel protested weakly. “We rescued him and, even if Luci won’t- can’t believe it, we aren’t going to send him back until he’s ready.”

Dan found himself thinking, _‘A little too late isn’t it? '_ as he remembered Lucifer’s explanation for why he wasn’t healing. “Just- just get a damned splint on his wing. It hurts even thinking about going around with a break that bad going completely untreated.”

“Yes, certainly,” Amenadiel said. And Dan felt a little sick at how relieved Amenadiel sounded to be given a concrete order. “I’ll let Raffie know- We’ll get it taken care of, immediately.”


	14. Charlotte and Goddess

When Dan went back to his desk Charlotte’s pictures were still waiting for him. _‘Right, proof that Lucifer is NOT the Devil. It’s, wow, he and Amenadiel, they really believe all that shit. It’s easy to get sucked in but- But Charlotte was his step-mom. Alien or not, wings or not, Lucifer was a kid in the early nineties. He is NOT the Devil.’_

Dan started flipping through the photos. Pictures of Charlotte and a group of high school friends crowded together with Big Ben and other London attractions in the background. Charlotte looking increasingly upset as the day went on. The friends notably absent from the pictures of Paris and all the pictures going forward. Charlotte had been an ambitious tourist. She’d crossed the Pyrenees to Pamploma in time for the Running of the Bulls and then made her way across Spain to the Rock of Gibraltar before turning east, following the coast all the way to Rome. She’d crossed Italy then took a ferry to Greece. There were pictures of historical landmarks and gorgeous views but there was a marked lack of people in Charlotte’s pictures. The trip had predated the era of selfies so there weren’t even many pictures of Charlotte herself, just the occasional stereotypical shot of her standing in front of one major attraction or another taken by a fellow tourist.

From Greece Charlotte had backtracked to Italy, _‘The Iron Curtain was still a thing,’_ Dan realized as Charlotte’s path veered away from Eastern Europe. The pictures showed a whirlwind tour of castles, mountain peaks and lakes in Austria and Switzerland before she’d crossed West Germany on her way to the Scandinavian countries, ignoring that winter had been closing in. It seemed like Charlotte hadn’t been able to stand being still. More people began to appear in the pictures. Random people as if Charlotte had needed to remind herself that she wasn’t alone in the world. Futilely Dan searched and searched the faces, looking for a younger Lucifer or Amenadiel, or a man who carried one or the other's features. The odd shots of Charlotte became even rarer and when she did appear she looked determined not excited or happy.

Images of a New Year’s Eve celebration in Oslo told Dan that half of Charlotte’s missing year was gone with no sign of Lucifer. Dan flipped through the pictures more rapidly, searching frantically for his proof. Then he found a picture of Charlotte beside a canal in Amsterdam. She stood tall, her chin up and defant but her eyes- Dan found himself transfixed by the lost, lonely look in the younger Charlotte’s eyes. _‘Lucifer’s father didn’t find her. No one found her.’_

Dan felt someone watching him and glanced up to see Lucifer. “Why aren’t you there?” he demanded gesturing to the pictures. “It’s the only time that your life and Charlotte’s could have possibly crossed.”

Lucifer sighed. He turned and walked into one of the interrogation rooms. When Dan joined him Lucifer offered his flask. “If there was ever a conversation that called for alcohol,” he said.

Dan thought for a moment then accepted a swig. “How is Charlotte your step-mother?”

“She never said that, not exactly,” Lucifer explained carefully. “She said She was married to my Father and you all assumed the rest. Mother doesn’t share my feelings about lying but She understands my rules well enough to concoct a story I won’t feel compelled to contradict.”

“There is absolutely no way that Charlotte was your _actual_ mother,” Dan protested.

“No, not Charlotte as such,” Lucifer's tone was gentle. “You remember her dissatisfied partner, Pickering? He didn’t attempt to murder Charlotte, he succeeded. At which point my Mother, my actual Mother, borrowed Charlotte’s empty body, reviving it in the process. However, human flesh was not meant to contain the Goddess of All Creation and She couldn’t stay. The vacuum created by Her leaving drew Charlotte’s soul back from Hell and- And Charlotte was granted a few extra months of life in which she changed her fate and fell in love with you.”

Dan gaped at him.

“Amenadiel escorted her up to Heaven personally,” Lucifer continued, a desperate edge creeping into his voice. “So in spite of being murdered on two different occasions it all worked out for the best, truly. She freed herself of the guilt that was dragging her to Hell. You will see her again, as long as you continue as you’ve begun. No more backsliding,” he scolded. “Your future with Charlotte is at stake.”

“First wings, now possession’s a thing too?” Dan complained numbly.

“Well, yes. Father destroyed Mother’s physical form before locking Her up in Hell,” Lucifer replied as if it were obvious. “She couldn’t just go wandering about the Mortal Plain without a body.”

“Charlotte’s amnesia was…”

“Because she wasn’t actually in her body to remember,” Lucifer interrupted.

“Then I-“

“Give me that back,” Lucifer held out his hand for the flask. Dan took another swig before passing it over. “Luckily the Detective is in the building so this will stretch a bit further than normal,” Lucifer remarked before taking a large gulp and then another. “Yes, Daniel you slept with my actual Mother, the Goddess of All Creation.” He took another drink to fortify himself then gave the empty flask a mournful look. “She was rather fond of you. After all She did avoid making you Her hostage… Although if she’d gone critical I suspect a few feet, or a few miles, wouldn’t have made much of a difference but then- They say it’s the thought that counts. Given how my Mother blames mortals for the dissolution of Her marriage and sent several plagues and a rather notable Flood to wipe you all from the face of the Earth back before Father got fed up with it… Well, Her making an effort to spare your life was practically the equivalent of infatuation.”

Dan’s jaw gaped open. He tried to say- something- but only managed a strangled noise.

Lucifer held out his flask then remembered it was empty. “Perhaps Evidence has something that might help,” he suggested, wrapping an arm around Dan’s shoulders and guiding him out of the Interrogation room.

Before Dan could muster the brain power to tell Lucifer that, no drugs were not the answer they ran smack into Amenadiel and a gorgeous if frazzled-looking woman Dan recognized as Rafael from Rajput’s police sketches.

Amenadiel steadied Dan as the Rafael rounded on Lucifer furiously. “Samael, enough of this idiocy,” she exclaimed.

Lucifer bristled instantly at the sound of his hated name. “Don’t call me that!” The air in the room seemed to crackle as the siblings glared at each other.

Dan saw Chloe hurrying down the stairs, their eyes met across the room, _‘Oh good. I’m not the only one sensing impending doom,'_ he thought.

“Refusing treatment! Hiding from me!” Rafael ranted, all but poking Lucifer in the chest. “Do you have any idea? Letting a bone heal un-set? And your wings, Samael?”

“My name is Lucifer!”

“You could be crippled. Do you have even the slightest notion-”

 _'Doesn't have a clue how to show concern,'_ Dan thought. He bit back the urge to giggle. _'Not-Charlotte's kid alright.'_

Lucifer straightened, using every inch to tower over his sister threateningly. “You think I don’t know?” He snarled. “How willfully blind are you? Do you tell yourself it didn’t break bones? Being thrown across three planes. Did you, any of you come to my aid then? You think I don’t know? It already happened! How do you think I got out of Hell after what Dad did to me and every last one of you abandoned me? Mazikeen wasn’t much of a doctor, she broke, set and rebroken my wings hundreds of times and even then they were never- Where was your concern then _Raffie?_ ” Lucifer hissed spitefully.

“I didn’t know,” Rafael protested forcefully. “You never-”

“You didn’t want to know!” Lucifer thundered.

“It is- it isn’t important now,” Chloe said pushing between the siblings. “Lucifer, remember what we talked about: Their motives don’t matter, not right now. You don’t have to forgive them. You don’t have to believe that they give a damn about you. You don’t have to let them in but let them help you. Even if it’s just a balm for their conscience or fear of being left on the hook for your obligations, take whatever help they’ll give.”

Lucifer took several deep breaths. As the fury drained from him, his posture crumpled and the underlying traces of pain in his expression became obvious. “Alright Detective. As you say, their whys don’t matter. I will allow it.”

“Amenadiel, we can’t expose all these mortals to divinity,” Rafael ordered, leaping at her brother's capitulation.

“Just wait a second,” Chloe said. “You’re not going to-”

“Raffie I can’t do that,” Amenadiel said. “I’ve lost my powers over time.”

“According to you it’s all in your head,” Rafael said brusquely. “You don’t want to be set apart from mortals so you stopped your powers but we need to do this now before Samael changes his mind and runs off again.”

“Stop calling me that, Samael is DEAD!” Lucifer growled.

“We need to get this over with,” Rafael said. “Amenadiel.”

And then the world twisted. Dan didn’t understand what was happening. Everything felt wrong, like he was moving underwater or through molasses. Lucifer, Amenadiel and Rafael seemed like blurs, his brain struggled to resolve what was happening in front of his eyes. He saw Lucifer’s wings unfurl, awesome yet ruined. Saw a girl who dressed like Ella- _‘Ella’s ghost, Lucifer’s sister, Azrael, Rae-Rae.’_ -and Rajput appear out of nowhere. _'What the fuck?'_ Saw Amenadiel push Lucifer to his knees. Dan felt panic bubbling up, both Lucifer and Amenadiel’s eyes were glazed, something was wrong, horribly wrong but he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t move, couldn’t hardly blink, could only watch it unfold. Amenadiel put his hands on Lucifer’s wing shoulders, pressing down, forcing his brother’s wings to spread wide. Rafael ran her hands over the break-

Time snapped back to full speed. A terrified scream hanging in the air; Lucifer pushing his own desire instead of drawing another's: _‘Don’t hurt me again.’_ Amenadiel was on the ground, his chest slashed open. There was blood-spray everywhere, Dan could feel it dripping down his face and see it running down the windows and computer screens. The other officers who’d been drawn by the confrontation between the siblings were looking around, eyes wide, verging on panic. Rae-Rae’s hands were over her ears and her eyes were squeezed shut. Chloe was scanning the room, searching for Lucifer who was gone, fled. Rajput standing half-way down the stairs, frozen between one step and the next. Rafael scrabbled across the floor to grab a glowing white feather.

Simmons, the desk sergeant, pulled her gun, “You hurt our angel,” she accused aiming at Rafael. With the chilling intensity of Lucifer’s terror still clouding the air, several other officers followed her lead.

 _‘Angel, Devil-’_ Dan felt hysteria building up in his chest. _‘No, Chloe’s partner. Charlotte’s? Not-Charlotte’s kid.’_

Rajput stepped forward, putting himself between the guns and Rafael. He held up shaking hands placatingly. “You don’t have all the information. Please, you don’t understand.”

> _“I kissed a man today. I thought he was my ex-husband. When I kissed him, I realized it wasn't him. And the strangest part is, I don't know what's more upsetting that it wasn't him? Or that I... I wished it was. I just don't want to be alone.”_

_‘Not-Charlotte, the Goddess of All Creation,’_ Dan felt like his skull was splitting open, his brain running out of his ears. _‘Devil, Angel, God, Goddess. ‘I just don't want to be alone.’ Eighteen-year-old Charlotte, so alone.’_ The persistent image of the dark-haired, winged child who had probably never existed flashed across Dan’s mind. _‘Not-Charlotte’s kid.’_

Tears were leaking out of Rae-Rae’s tightly squeezed shut eyes. Blood was rapidly pooling on the floor around Amenadiel. Dan just wanted to sit down on the floor and scream or laugh until everything went away.

_‘Bonding with Not-Charlotte, the Goddess, over our shared inability to save our marriages- Mostly our fault, both of us knew that, but there were two people in the relationship and, damn, sometimes it got tiring always being the screw up. There were things Chloe could have done differently too… Apparently the same goes for God. And damn, the whole of human history later, Lucifer’s still more rebellious teenager than hardened insurgent. What does that say about His parenting skills if He can’t deal with a teenager mouthing off without locking the poor kid away.’_

Rajput still had his hands up but he was rambling, lost in his own thoughts. “We don’t have all the information. Father didn’t will it. Not Uriel. Not the Fall. He won’t explain it. We don’t know, we just don’t know.”

“Why did you do that to Lucifer?” Chloe demanded. “Where is he?”

“Shit! He’s going to crash again,” Rae-Rae exclaimed then Ella’s ghost vanished.

 _‘Or maybe I’m just too human to get it. I mean, there’s clearly something wrong with a kid who NEVER questions their parents, who never starts thinking for themself. Except his dad is God! But even Amenadiel, the ‘good kid’, says he doesn’t KNOW what his Dad wants, not really, not for certain. At best God’s a shitty communicator, at worst-’_ For a moment Dan flashed back to the moment where everything went wrong: The brain-shredding, visceral terror in Lucifer’s voice as he wrenched himself from Amenadiel’s grasp. A flash of twisted, angry red scars, Linda’s description of Lucifer’s Devil-face. _‘A deposed goddess who I empathize with- Shit, slept with. Angels who don’t know what God wants anymore than we do. A devil who’s trying to save me from Hell. A god who isn't perfect. Fuck the Devil- LUCIFER, Chloe's partner, he's having a fucking flashback!_

Dan blocked out the hysteria inducing thoughts and crouched beside Amenadiel. He rolled the injured angel on his back then gagged as he saw the white of ribs protruding through the gaping wound.

“It has to work,” Rafael muttered, falling to her knees beside them. She seemed completely unaware of the half dozen guns pointed at her. She pressed the feather she was clinging to into Amenadiel’s wound and a blinding light filled the precinct. A gun went off, then another. When the light cleared Dan saw healthy skin beneath the blood saturating Amenadiel’s torn shirt. And several spent bullets rolling on the floor near Rajput, who didn't react to having been shot. Rafael slumped to the floor beside Amenadiel, heedless of the blood soaking into her clothes. _‘They’re in as bad of shape as we are.’_

The glazed look in Rafael’s eyes mirrored the one Lucifer and Amenadiel had worn just before everything went to Hell. _‘They didn’t want to do it but she made them. Charlie being kidnapped, Lucifer going back to Hell immediately after. Now Amenadiel’s unconscious on the floor and Not-Charlotte’s kid is out there somewhere terrified out of his mind.’_

Dan fell back on habit. “Kasper Rajput, Rafael- Whoever, you’re under arrest,” he declared. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.” He looked around the precinct, “And could someone break out the shock blankets?”

“Dan, you can’t arrest them,” Chloe hissed. “They’re…”

“We gotta de-escalate and they’re gas on a fire. We’ve gotta keep ‘em away from Lu-” Dan choked. He squared his shoulders, “Away from Lucifer, your partner. ”

Chloe nodded, “Right. We have to find-” She broke off, giving Dan a wary look. “My partner.” She glanced at Amenadiel. “I think EMT’s will be okay as long as they don’t try to give him an IV. We need to call Linda and Maze. Ella can help.”

Dan shook his head violently. “Don’t tell Ella,” he warned urgently. “I'm okay. I am okay. But I haven’t been to church since we got married. Haven’t really believed since I was a kid. All this- It's- it's just confirming what I already figured. There's too much awful shit in the world to believe God gives a damn. But Ella? I think it'd break her to find out it’s all lies.”

“It's all _true!_ " Chloe argued. "Heaven and Hell are real, we have proof,” she gestured toward the three angels. One unconscious and the other two submitting to being handcuffed.

“The basic tenet I was raised to believe wasn’t that God exists,” Dan said, his expression hardening. “It’s that God is all powerful, all knowing and good. And at least one of those is a lie. But that's okay. I'm okay. I lost my faith years ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger? Which is going to stand for a bit as I’m jumping stream to Michael’s storyline since it’s the one that covers where Lucifer’s at mentally right now. There's going to be a break in posting until I've gotten Michael's bit finished, I go back and add bits later too often in this fandom to post until I've big chunks finished.


End file.
